All of the Words
by Vintage Tea Party
Summary: Jo has a secret, one that has been pulling her and Henry apart for weeks now. As a last ditch effort to find out what's bothering her, Henry enlists the help of Iona. He only hopes her unconventional methods will bring him and Jo back together instead of driving them even further apart.
1. Chapter 1

After much searching, Henry finally found Jo in the police department's shooting range. She was quickly obliterating the heart out of the paper silhouette in front of her as he slowly walked towards her. He wasn't looking forward to talking to her and already felt dread building in his stomach over the impending conversation that was sure to quickly turn into an argument.

It was almost hard to remember that there had been a time when he hadn't had any anxiety over talking with her. Things between them used to be so easy; he used to look forward to every opportunity he had to speak with her. They'd had fun together. They'd made each other happy. But that seemed like a very long time ago. Nearly two months had passed since those days of ease and it pained Henry to see how far they had come from those times.

It was made even harder to accept by the fact that he didn't know why it was happening. He felt like he was losing Jo a little more with every passing day but he was still no closer to finding out what was taking her from him than he had been when the trouble had started. There was very little of the Jo he knew in the woman that was in front of him right now and the relationship between them seemed to have nearly disappeared.

Henry took a deep breath and steeled himself. He waited until Jo was done shooting before he approached her and once she had turned to load another clip for her gun he tried to get her attention. He called her name several times but she didn't hear him through the noise cancelling headphones she was wearing. Finally, he decided to reach out a touch her shoulder slightly.

She jumped, startled at the sudden touch, since she had not heard him coming. She turned towards him, a glare on her face as she took off her headphones. "Henry, you don't sneak up on someone when they have a gun in their hand."

 _Great._ She was already irritated with him. He wasn't even about to point out that she didn't have the gun in her hand and he had waited to speak for that very reason. "Sorry," he said instead, letting that argument go.

"What do you want?" she asked impatience in her voice.

He tried not to let it hurt but it was impossible to stop it. That's how their conversations had been as of late: short, strained and to the point. They were nothing more than they absolutely had to be. And he hated it. He wanted to talk to her about something besides work, which they only seemed to talk about because they were forced to talk about. He wanted to talk about nothing at all if they felt like it. But their interactions were only work related and even those Jo had reduced from the frequency they used to share.

Jo, however. did not seem to feel the same desire to change their current situation, so he would keep the matter at hand straightforward. "I just spoke with Reece," he said cautiously.

He watched as her face fell and she turned back to working on her gun. He expected her to say something but apparently she was going to try and avoid the subject entirely. He took a couple of steps towards her while still leaving a decent amount of space between them.

"She told me that you and her got into quite the argument."

"We had a _disagreement_ ; that's all," she said with a shrug.

"It's unusual for the two of you to argue."

"Reece and I don't always see eye to eye about things."

"It's not like you to be disrespectful though. Yes, I've known the two of you to have differences of opinion from time to time but you've always shown her respect even when you did think she was wrong."

"I wasn't being disrespectful. I just didn't try and hide my opinion from her this time and I guess she didn't like having someone disagree with her."

"That's not the way she made it sound."

Jo turned around to face Henry. "I was right about the Reynolds case," she said firmly. "I'm sorry she doesn't like the way it was handled but that doesn't change the fact that I was right in the end."

"Jo, that may be true. But it sounds like you didn't handle it in the best way. It sounds like you were looking for a fight."

"Oh really? So, what? Did she call you in just to tell you how inappropriate I was acting?"

"She called me in to see if I knew of any reason that would explain your change in behavior lately. She knows we have a personal relationship as well as a professional one and she thought I might be able to shed some light on the situation." _At least we used to have a personal relationship._

"How fortunate I am to have so many people talking about what's wrong with me. It's heartwarming really," she said with sarcastically. "So, what did you tell her?"

"I told her I was as lost as she was. What else was I supposed to tell her? You haven't told me anything."

"There isn't anything."

"Come on Jo," he said, not believing it for a second.

"I don't care what Reece thinks."

"Jo," he pleaded urgently. "She said this isn't the first time this has happened. She told me that she told you that if there is another incident like this then you are going to get suspended. Aren't you worried about that?"

For a second it looked as if the threat bothered Jo. It certainly bothered Henry; he had never known Jo to get in trouble at work, especially not to the point that her job was in jeopardy. But she quickly shrugged it off. "She's just angry. It won't come to that."

"She's worried about you." _So am I._

"No, she isn't. All she cares about is whether or not I can get my job done."

"That isn't true."

"It isn't?" she said crossing her arms. "You know what she said the first time she met me? She said that she had read in my file about my husband dying recently but that she couldn't cut me any slack for it. I hadn't done anything wrong but she felt it necessary to let me know I would be allowed no slip ups. She doesn't care what's going on in my personal life; it is not to affect my job at all."

Henry knew that such sentiment was necessary with Reece's position and in this situation. He knew that Jo understood that too but he also knew that it still must have hurt Jo to have to hear it. His voice was even softer when he spoke again. "What is going on in your personal life?"

"Henry, we've been over this," she warned.

"Yes, we have. But you still haven't told me the truth. You say Reece doesn't care about your personal life. _I_ do. I care and I'm asking now."

He watched as her face softened for an instant and for moment he thought he had broken through. But then he watched as it hardened again and she turned her back to him. "Nothing is going on," she said stiffly.

"Yes it is," he insisted, his desperation leading to frustration. "But you won't tell me what it is."

"I don't know why you insist on making me out to be a liar."

"Maybe because it fits," he said, becoming angry now himself. "You say nothing is wrong but this, this isn't you. Reece was right; you were reckless and careless on that case. You went in there by yourself, without back up. The case ended successfully but it could have easily gone the other way. You jeopardized your safety and the outcome of that case. Not to mention you were so hung over when you got here this morning it did not take special powers of deduction to see."

Henry was interrupted from his speech by the loud sound of Jo slamming her gun against the table. "Henry, that is _enough_!" she shouted, her voice was dangerous and it made him stop. He'd heard her fierce before but not dangerous. Her tone held every suggestion in it that he would be wise not to continue.

Silence hung in the room for a few minutes before she spoke again, this time, alarmingly quiet. "We are done here."

It did not take long for Henry's unusual and brief spell of anger to fade completely and be replaced with deep guilt. He hadn't meant to get angry with her. He was just so frustrated with being put off and distanced from her for weeks now, that he had let it get the better of him. He wished he'd held his tongue and remained gentle with her.

He knew she was hurting. Something _was_ wrong whether she wanted to admit it or not. And he just wanted her to open up; he just wanted her to let him in and not try to handle it all on her own. That had been his goal all along. But getting angry at her and pointing out her faults was not the right way to go about gaining her trust and making her feel open. Things had already been such a mess and now he'd made it even worse.

Jo had already put on her headphones, clearly done speaking with him. She started shooting again, her actions taking on a more heated tone to them than before, the paper figure suffering the loss of its head as she took her frustration out on it.

Jo was standing right in front of him but he had never missed her so much.

* * *

Henry knocked on the door in front of him, feeling nervous and uncertain. He still wasn't sure this was the right the thing to do. This could either make things between him and Jo better or make them infinitely worse. But he was out of any other options and he didn't know what else to do.

"Henry," Iona greeted, a smile on her face when she opened the door of her office to find him standing there. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Henry noticed she was pulling on a robe to cover herself and he kicked himself for not thinking ahead. "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting a session?"

"No," she said with a smile. "I'm in between appointments at the moment. Do you want to come in?"

"If you have a minute to talk?"

"For you, Henry, I always do. Come in," she said stepping aside and letting him in.

He followed her to the middle of the room and sat on the couch and she sat in the chair opposite him. "So, what brings you here?" she asked with clear curiosity.

Henry took a deep breath, feeling anxious, though he wasn't sure why. He'd never been nervous around Iona, even when he had found himself about to receive a "professional demonstration" from her. Maybe it was because this time, it wasn't his problems that he needed help dealing with. This time, so much was at stake. "I need your help."

"Now, Henry if this is a professional matter I'm going to have to stop you there. I told you I don't feel comfortable seeing you as a client. However," she added with a devious smile, "if this is a matter of pleasure we can discuss it at any length you want."

"I am in need of your professional assistance but not for myself. It's Jo."

Iona noticed the concern in his voice when he said her name. Henry watched as Iona's demeanor became serious, more detached and professional. "What's wrong?"

Henry wrung his hands together, potently feeling the worry that had built up in him over the past two months. Iona's voice was so full of concern and it made him realize how heavy this burden had been to him. He hadn't known how much he had needed to talk to someone about this and he was glad he had the opportunity now. He had tried to handle all of this on his own but he had failed. He knew he needed help.

"I don't know," he said shaking his head in worry. "She hasn't been herself in so long. I know something is wrong but she won't tell me what it is. I'm losing her."

Iona gave him an encouraging smile and when she spoke her voice was calm and full of reassurance. "I'm sure things aren't so bleak as that. Let's sort this all out. Did you two have an argument?"

"No, not initially. But I can't help feeling that I've done something wrong. She says she's isn't mad at me but her actions say otherwise. She's been so short tempered and angry lately. It seems I'm always doing or saying something wrong. And she's distancing herself from me. We used to go out for drinks or dinner after work, often. Now she refuses every invitation. We haven't been anywhere that wasn't work related in months."

Iona took all of this in before asking. "Does she seem to be acting this way with everyone or does this behavior seem to be directed only at you?"

"It's everybody I think. She's been excluding her partner, Detective Hanson, out of work lately, handling things on her own if she can get away with it. And she's been frequently bumping heads with the Lieutenant. If you knew Jo, you would know how odd that is."

"Is there any other behavior that is new or troubling?"

"Well, what I've mentioned already is what troubles me the most. Jo isn't an angry person and she's not usually so intent on isolating herself. But she has also been coming to work hung over frequently, which is something I haven't known her to do since when we first met. She's been extremely careless. I'm afraid if something doesn't change soon she'll lose her job."

"Jo has a very stressful job. Has anything significant or traumatic happened recently?"

Henry shook his head. "Not that I know of. I asked her about it a few times, when this all began and she denied it. Then she became angry whenever I brought it up so I stopped. But that only make me more certain that something has happened that I don't know of. "

"So, the behavior came on suddenly? It wasn't gradual?"

"Yes. But it has been growing worse and worse over the weeks."

Iona paused and thought about all that Henry had said. "It certainly does sound as if there is something going on. But I have to ask: what prompted you to seek out my assistance? Maybe traditional therapy would be a more appropriate place to start."

Henry couldn't help but feel the hopelessness building inside of him. "We've already tried that. When Jo started having problems at work Lieutenant Reece ordered her to see a therapist. Like you said, her job is stressful and it builds up on everyone eventually. She thought maybe Jo was just going through a rough patch. And Jo went, for a while. But recently she's given up going, despite the threats of reprimand she's been given if she doesn't continue."

"Did she give a reason for why she stopped seeing the therapist?"

"She said it wasn't helping; that it was a waste of time." Henry paused, feeling the swell of emotions building in him. "Can you help her?" he asked desperately. "I'm sorry, I came here like this; I don't mean to put you in an unusual position. I just don't know what else I can do."

Iona smiled warmly at him. "Henry, you don't need apologize for seeking out my help. I would always been willing to help Jo despite whatever may be between you and me. I'm sure we can get to root of the problem."

Henry let out a sigh of relief. "Really? That's wonderful."

"That being said," she said holding out a finger to stop him, "It will be up to Jo whether or not she wants to participate in this form of therapy."

"Yes, of course."

"You need to discuss this matter with her and see if this is even something she would be interested in. Not many people are comfortable with this kind of therapy. It does work well in situations where all other attempts have failed but in order for it to be effective she needs to feel comfortable with it."

"Right," he said nodding his head but feeling some of his newfound hope leave him. He hadn't really thought that far ahead. He felt silly now to realize that he hadn't even considered that yet. Would Jo be comfortable or even willing to come here? He doubted it. What would she even say if he asked? He was almost certain she would say no.

"Henry?" Iona asked, seeing the change in his tone.

"I just want her back," he said quietly.

"I know," she said reaching out to take his hand and give it a squeeze. He looked up at her and she smiled. "Don't worry; we'll get there. Bring her by tomorrow and I'll see what we can work out."

Henry willed himself to draw on the positivity he heard in her voice. She made it sound as if it really would be alright and he tried to believe that instead of all the doubts in his head.

* * *

The cab pulled up to the curb and Henry opened the door, holding his breath as he got out. Somehow he had managed to convince Jo to come with him after getting off work but he had no idea how things would go from here. He had apologized to her after their fight and he was surprised but delighted that she had forgiven him. It had given him more cause to hope than he'd previously had that maybe things could be resolved between them. It had given him the needed momentum to ask her out which she had actually agreed to. They hadn't been out since this whole mess began and he knew that it was a good sign that she was agreeing to it now.

Unfortunately, it was under false pretenses; Jo didn't know where they were going. Even though their next conversation had gone better than the one they'd had in the shooting range, he had still chickened out. He'd just been so relieved to have found a small bit of good will from Jo that, rather than be encouraged by it, he was terrified of losing it. He was certain that the moment he brought up coming for therapy, especially of this nature, she would refuse and be upset at him again.

Instead, she thought they were going out for drinks. He hated that he had lied to her. Really, he knew he was a coward for not discussing the idea of therapy with Iona with her. He didn't quite recognize himself or his actions these days either. These past weeks with Jo so unlike herself had put him on edge and left him not feeling like himself too.

Henry held the door open and waited for Jo to get out and follow him, awaiting the verdict and was almost certain everything was about to blow up right in his face. Jo slid to the edge of the seat and looked at their destination then she turn to glare at Henry.

"This doesn't look like a bar."

"We can go afterwards," he offered lamely.

"No," she said shaking her head firmly, angry.

"Just try and have an open mind," Henry said with as much positivity as he could muster at this point. This was his last resort and if this didn't work he had no idea what else to do. He desperately needed this to work and he wasn't sure how he would cope if she didn't even give it a try. He needed his partner back and he couldn't see any other way to reach her besides this.

"Absolutely not," she said crossing her arms and sitting back against the seat, looking as if she had no plans to get out. "You lied to me."

The way she said those last few words conveyed that, despite the obvious anger on the surface, she was really hurt by the lie. Henry hated himself for it. He should have come up with a better way. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "Can't you just give it a try? Please?"

"Henry, you know how I feel about her."

"I know you find Iona's methods to be unconventional but you may be surprised at their effectiveness."

"Unconventional? Unconventional! That's a nice way of putting it. The woman beats people in her underwear and calls it 'therapy.'"

Henry sighed. This was going about as terribly as he had worried it would. "Yes, her means are unusual but sometimes that's what a situation calls for."

"Listen, I know she got in your head and convinced you that she's credible and that her methods are beneficial. You might be undone by her whims and whatnot but I won't. She would have to do a little more than traipse around in her underwear and sweet talk me to get _me_ into handcuffs."

Henry had to admit that comment stung a bit. He knew it had looked bad when he had been caught at Iona's office in handcuffs awaiting the professional demonstration of her services. But he hadn't realized how little Jo thought of him for it. He didn't know she had viewed him as weak because of it. He reminded himself that she was angry at him and she had every reason to be to help chase away the bite of her words.

"Jo, nothing else it working," he said tiredly. "You have to admit there's a problem here. I don't know what it is but you can't deny that there is one."

He dared to call her out on it again, this time much gentler than the last. This time, doing things right, conveying his concern for her in his tone and not his frustration. Still, he held his breath, fearing she would retaliate at the words.

She looked away from him. She didn't confirm it but she didn't deny it either and that was closer than they'd gotten so far. He knew she was embarrassed and hurting and his heart went out to her. She had been so resistant, putting up so much of a fight against any help. He didn't know why she did it and he wanted nothing more than to help her. He hoped maybe now she would let him.

He leaned down closer to her and spoke softly. "I know something is wrong. Fighting with Reece, letting work slip, that's not you. I don't want you to lose your job. I wouldn't have brought you here expect that nothing else seems to be making things better."

 _I want my friend back_

He thought that to himself but he didn't add it out loud. That was the real reason he had brought her here. While he did care about her job and he didn't want her to jeopardize it their friendship was what he most wanted to retrieve. He felt like he was losing her and he just wanted her back.

"This won't work," she said quietly after a few moments of deliberation. He could see her demeanor soften slightly and he knew he had reason to hope. She did still care what he had to say; maybe he could still get through.

"Then try it, if for no other reason, except that I just ask you to."

"Fine," she finally huffed, trudging out of the car. "But don't expect any miracles or anything. I know you believe in what she does but I still don't get it and don't see how it's supposed to be therapy."

Henry's face lit up at her agreement and though Jo felt a little sick at the prospect of what she had agreed to, to see the effect it had on Henry she couldn't say she had made the wrong decision. "Just giving it a chance is all I ask."

He offered her a hand as she got out of the cab but she waved it away and walked on ahead of him. She wasn't happy with him and she wasn't happy to be here but she was willing. That was something he told himself.

They walked up to Iona's office in silence and Henry knocked on the door. He glanced over at Jo, trying to read her expression as they waited but all he could see for sure was anger. He hoped he had made the right decision in seeking Iona's help. If this didn't work out he may find himself in an even worse place with Jo than he was now.

Iona opened the door and smiled at them. "Henry," she greeted first before turning towards Jo her smile growing even warmer at the sight of her. "Jo. I'm glad you're here. Come in."

Jo somehow plastered on a smile, though she was sure it looked incredibly fake. She wasn't sure how to respond to that since this was not where she had expected to end up and was the last place she wanted to be.

She walked reluctantly in but when Henry tried to follow, Iona reached out a hand and stopped him. "Thank you, Henry, for bringing Jo by but we'll take it from here."

Jo had a brief moment of panic. Henry wasn't going to be staying? She hadn't had long to consider what was going to happen in Iona's office but she had at least expected Henry would be there with her. This was his idea after all. She had no idea what Iona was going to do with her and she didn't want to be alone for it.

She glanced at him. There was clear surprise on his face as well. He had obviously expected to be allowed to stay too. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather I stay?" he asked Iona trying to appear unalarmed.

"I'm quite sure," Iona said putting a hand on Jo's shoulder to lead her in.

Henry must have seen the look on Jo's face because he spoke again. "I thought I would be staying with Jo."

"I'm sorry, Henry," Iona said turning to him her voice a little stricter. "I thought you meant for this session to be for Jo."

"I did. But maybe it would be best if I stayed."

"Would you rather this be a couple's session?"

Part of Jo hoped maybe he would say yes. Didn't he see the distress on her face? Couldn't he see how much she didn't want stay here alone with Iona? This had been his idea not hers; it didn't seem fair that he would leave and she'd been left to deal with it by herself. While it might be embarrassing to go through this with him there that thought was preferable to facing this alone.

When he had spoken to her down at the cab she had thought maybe he was finally starting to understand. She thought maybe he was beginning to see what she needed from him. She silently pleaded with him to see, to decide to stay with her.

Henry seemed surprised and startled by the idea. "No, of course not," he said shaking his head quickly to Iona's question.

Jo rolled her eyes and shook her head at his quick denial. Like all of the other silent pleadings she'd uttered over the past few weeks, this one went unheard as well. Henry's clear lack of desire to stay with her while Iona beat her problems out of her only reminded her of why she was mad at him. Of course, he wasn't going to stay here and help her through this. She wasn't sure why she thought he would. She was alone in this.

"Then of course you can't stay," Iona said. She stepped back and Henry shot Jo one quick look. She was sure he was trying to give her some encouragement before he left but she avoided it quickly, her frustration at him building by the minute.

"That's better, now that we've gotten rid of him," Iona said, turning towards Jo after she had closed the door. Part of Jo couldn't help but agree completely but part of her already wished Henry would come back.

"Do you want Henry to stay?" Iona asked with concern when she noticed the way Jo was staring at the closed door. "Because he can if that would be more comfortable for you. I sent him away because I thought you'd prefer the session to be more private."

Jo stared at the door another minute before shaking her head and putting on a look of confidence. "No. It's better this way."

"Please have a seat," Iona said gesturing towards the couch.

Jo gave her a confused look. "I thought Henry brought me for a session?"

"He did. We'll start by sitting and having a chat."

Jo supposed that she had assumed they would just get straight to the beating. After all, Iona's services weren't supposed to be conventional in any way and sitting on a couch and talking sounded very much like regular therapy. In a way, Jo was more worried about the idea of talking than she did with whatever else Iona may want to do with her. She had no intentions of talking about her feelings, especially to Iona.

Jo sat down on the couch, taking off her coat as she did and Iona sat on the chair opposite her. Jo couldn't help staring around the room a little bit more thoroughly than she had the last time she'd been here. The only time she'd been in Iona's office was in connection to the Gaines murder. At the time, Iona had been the suspect, the one whose actions were on trial. Jo couldn't help but feel she was in that position now.

Her gaze got caught on the red curtain to the right of the room, behind which Iona kept all the tools of her trade. That room Jo had searched thoroughly and she couldn't help but be distracted by memories of what she had found there. Last time, she had been the one in charge; she came and went freely in her investigation. Now Iona would be the one in charge. She would be giving Iona permission to bound her up and hurt her. Really thinking about that she wondered if she could actually do this. She thought she could just for Henry's sake but she was alone and she wasn't sure she could go through this by herself.

"Jo?" Iona called.

Jo turned towards her and realized that Iona must have called more than once while she had been sidetracked. "Yes?"

"Is everything alright? You seem a bit preoccupied."

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I only found out I was coming here a few minutes ago, so I guess I am still trying to get over the shock."

Iona sighed. "He sprung it on you then?"

"Yes."

Iona shook her head. "I was afraid he would do that. I certainly didn't ask him to. I encouraged him to discuss it with you ahead of time, to see if it was even something you were interested in. I apologize that he didn't give you that consideration."

Jo was surprised by the sincerity in Iona's voice. "It's alright," she said with a shrug.

"Jo, if you don't want to be here, you don't have to stay."

"I'm not enthused to be here, no offense," she admitted, "But Henry asked me to and I'm sure I'll never hear the end of it if I don't at least give it a try."

Iona smiled. "Henry can be rather persistent. But again I stress, being here is _your_ decision. Henry doesn't get to decide it for you. If are not comfortable with having a session then we won't have one. I need to know that you are comfortable proceeding."

Jo deliberated for a moment. She wasn't surprised that Iona needed her consent but it was harder to give it than it was to pretend that she had no choice in the matter. She wasn't really comfortable with it, truth be told, but she also knew that there wouldn't be getting out of it. Henry really wanted her to try and she would do it for him. For all of their problems recently she did care about him. She didn't want to hurt him and this seemed to mean so much to him that she was willing to do it for him.

She sighed. Honestly, she was also exhausted and didn't feel like putting up a fight. It seemed like that was all she ever did anymore and she was tired of it. She couldn't even muster up a reason enough to say no.

"I am. It's fine; I give you permission."

Iona studied Jo for a second. "Are you sure you're comfortable with this?"

Jo shrugged nervously. "I'm comfortable enough to stay, if that's what you're asking. But it does feel a little strange to be here."

"I realize that this must feel very awkward to you; this is all completely new to you. But I assure you that this situation is not uncommon and not one you need to be embarrassed of. I have clients from all walks of life including many female clients. I assure you that there is nothing sexual about what I do. Although domination is most commonly associated with and used in sexual situations my methods are purely for therapeutic purposes."

Jo felt her face flush despite herself. This was _so_ awkward. Iona's words seemed to make her feel less at ease instead of more so. She had assumed that Iona was a prostitute throughout the entire Gaines case and she supposed part of her still believed it until recently. Even if what Iona said was true, this still felt like getting terribly close to a line that she was not at all comfortable crossing. She cursed Henry again for bringing her here; she would kill him for this.

"Alright," she finally agreed but it sounded as unsure as she felt.

"There is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it either," Iona added. "Sometimes we get ourselves into situations that require a little more coaxing than normal to get out of. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

This was also something that Jo had a hard time with. It didn't feel alright to need the help. She didn't like needing help. She took care of herself. She had always prided herself on keeping it all together, on making it appear as if she were fine even when she wasn't. Being here was only a reminder that she was failing terribly at that. She was coming undone and everyone could see it.

"I would be happy to answer any questions you might have about what I do," Iona offered when Jo still remained silent.

"No, it's fine. Just proceed like you normally would," Jo said quickly, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Alright. Now I've heard Henry's side of the story but I would really like to hear yours."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to know what's going on. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine," she said quickly like it was an impulse. She didn't even have to think about this lie any more. It came to her instantly, almost as if it were the truth.

Iona could obviously see through that. "That isn't the way Henry made it sound."

"Henry is just blowing things out of proportion."

"Really? He said you've been having some trouble at work. Is that not true?"

"Well, yes I suppose that's true," she admitted reluctantly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I've just had a few disagreements with my boss. But it isn't a big deal. Henry is much more worried about it than he needs to be."

"Alright," Iona agreed, not believing what Jo said but not pressing her on it. "Things seem like they might be a little strained between the two of you lately."

"They have," Jo admitted.

"Is there a reason for that?"

"No."

"He said you haven't been acting like yourself lately. Have you been feeling not yourself lately?"

"No, I haven't been feeling like myself…for a while now," she admitted, surprising herself by telling the truth.

"Why is that?" Iona said gently.

Jo stared at Iona for a moment. For some reason, she felt like she wanted to tell Iona about it. She wasn't sure why that was. She didn't have a lot of respect for Iona and her particular line of work. She really shouldn't want to talk to her. But right now, Jo couldn't ignore the concern in Iona's voice and it was so welcome to hear. Still, she hesitated.

"Jo, you can tell me," Iona encouraged. "Henry may have brought you here but the only way he'll know what happened here or anything you said is if you tell him yourself. You know my confidentiality policies are very strict. You don't have to be worried to tell me."

"I'm not worried. There's just nothing to tell," she insisted, pushing back her brief moment of weakness.

"I just want to help you get to feeling better. Not feeling like yourself isn't a good thing. And it must have been provoked by something," Iona pressed slightly.

"Well, you seem to know about everything already; I'm not sure what I can add that would be helpful," Jo snapped.

"I've upset you," Iona said, noticing the tone in Jo's voice.

"No. No, I just don't appreciate being ganged up on and deceived."

Iona had upset her, whether she was going to admit it or not. She was just so tired of this. For weeks everyone had been acting as if they knew what Jo was going through. They told her how to feel even though they had no idea what was wrong. Iona was no different. It would be an error on her part to think otherwise.

"Jo, I hope you won't see it that way. We both just want to help make things better for you. While I agree that Henry's approach to getting things done isn't always the most ideal, his heart _is_ in the right place."

"Well, I don't fault him too much about it," Jo replied defensively. "He asked me to come, so here I am. I'm being a rather good sport about it, all things considered."

"You are, I agree. But I mean what I say about Henry. I know from where you're sitting it appears as if he deceived you into coming. And he did. It was wrong for him to bring you here without telling you where you were going. But from where I sit I think you are a very fortunate person."

Jo couldn't help but be irked at this. "Well, maybe you wouldn't if you had heard as many lies and half-truths from him as I have. I know he thinks most of them get by me but they don't. It doesn't feel very good to know he feels himself high and mighty enough to decide which information you should be privy to."

"Henry is a private man. He does have secrets. But there is also something else to be said about him. Even though he doesn't always get things right with people, he has one of the greatest capacities to love that I've ever seen. When he cares for a person it's completely, and I think that you are one of the people that he cares for."

"No," Jo disagreed instantly, shaking her head and looking down. _No, he doesn't. I thought maybe he did…but he shouldn't anyway,_ she thought to herself. She was feeling vulnerable and she wanted Iona's words to be true. She wanted them to be true so badly.

"I disagree. I've seen a lot of people come into my office. But it's hard to recall very many who were here because someone else took a special interest in them. Almost everybody I've seen in here is here because they chose to be not because anyone else cared enough to seek help for them, like Henry did for you."

Jo felt tears in her eyes as she looked down at her lap. All this time she had thought that Henry had been so oblivious to what had been going on. It would be a mistake to think otherwise. Just tonight she'd been wrong about him. When he had apologized for their fight and asked her out for drinks she thought they were making some positive progress. But in the end Henry had only been lying to her. While his actions to Iona appeared as if he genuinely cared for her, she knew better. Everything was not as it seemed.

"It's obvious that you and Henry care about each other very much."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, he came here seeking help for you because he wants you to feel better. And you obviously care for him because you agreed even though you don't think very much of what I do. You both did what you did for each other."

"You don't know anything about us."

"Jo," Iona said quietly. "Henry said 'I just want her back.' He said that about you. He misses you."

Jo squeezed her eyes shut as they burned with tears. Did Henry really say that? Did he really feel that way? No, Henry was just sticking his nose into her business, just like he did with everyone. It didn't mean anything.

She couldn't allow herself to believe it did. She had believed maybe he loved her once and she had been let down. If she believed it again, she would be let down again. Now, she couldn't even expect him to feel that way. Not now when she knew what kind of person she was.

Henry had brought her here because he thought he knew best. He thought he understood her and he thought Iona could easily get the truth out of her. Everyone thought they understood. Everyone acted as if they knew what was going on. But they didn't know anything. They didn't know her. It wasn't so simple and she was going to show them.

Jo stood up suddenly and awkwardly. Iona looked up at her questionably like she thought Jo was about to leave. "Listen, I'd just as soon get this over with as quickly as possible," Jo said firmly. "We might as well get started." She was tired of talking. Talking didn't change anything. It was why she had stopped seeing the therapist she'd been ordered to see. It wouldn't make any difference here either.

Iona stood and faced her. "Alright," she said reading Jo's expression, a little surprised by the quick change. "I like an enthusiastic client. I suppose there isn't any reason to delay."

Jo didn't like being referred to as one of Iona's clients but she didn't want to waste any time quibbling over technicalities. She made her way over to Iona's inner room, yanked back the curtain and let herself in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger Warnings: Bondage and Beating**

Jo walked into the middle of the room, like she owned the place, before she turned and faced Iona.

Iona walked behind her, frustratingly slow and lingered in the doorway of the room. "I do wonder, however, why you are in such a hurry to begin, especially when you are so skeptical of my methods."

"Just don't feel like wasting my time," Jo said with a shrug. It was meant to sound carefree but there was too much of a bite to it for that.

"Listen, Jo, we don't have to do this. I promise, you can talk to me. You're not at work; you don't have to be strong here. You can be honest. You can tell me anything and I won't tell anyone, Henry included. Everything stays between you and me."

"I don't know why continue to try and get me just to talk," Jo said, her frustration growing. She didn't want to be here but the one and only good things about being here was that it would be different than regular therapy. She'd been to therapy and been asked to talk about her problems. That hadn't gotten her anywhere and she didn't want to do it anymore.

"I just want to give you a safe place to talk because I feel that's what you really want."

"Well, I don't. I would have thought you would be eager to beat me up."

The effect was quick and then gone but Jo could tell Iona took a slight offense to that. "I am never in a hurry to 'beat up' anybody," she said calmly. "I don't inflict physical pain on someone for my own personal enjoyment. I use it if it's the appropriate means needed to help my client unlock their emotional pain."

"You don't think I can handle it," Jo said, feeling briefly self-conscious that Iona might think she just couldn't hack the treatment.

"No," Iona said quickly. "That isn't it at all. I'm just not sure this is the right treatment for you."

"Why not?"

"You are agreeing to the therapy but I don't think you fully understand what it is that I do."

"I understand _exactly_ what you do," Jo said, her tone carrying heavy suggestion.

Iona looked at Jo hard reading the skepticism in her tone. Jo did not conceal from Iona how little stock she put in what Iona did. Jo knew anger was a defense mechanism, the one she primarily defaulted to, but she couldn't help herself. She knew that Iona would surely see it for what it was but even that wasn't enough to stop her. She had to be tough, even if it wasn't real.

"You don't understand how it works," Iona stated this time with certainty.

"I know exactly how it works," Jo said crossing her arms. She knew the tricks that Iona must use on her clients to make them feel vulnerable and she thought very little of it. "Come on," she goaded. "Give me your best shot."

Iona smiled at Jo but it wasn't a pleased smile. Jo could detect the hints of sadness in it, the sympathy under it. It made her all the more irritated because Iona thought she still didn't understand what it was that she did. It made Jo angry because Iona still thought she was right and that Jo would soon have to admit she was wrong.

"If that's what you want," Iona finally said simply walking a few steps closer to Jo.

"So, how does this work? You make commands and I follow them, is that it?"

Iona smiled. "Yes, it's something like that."

Jo expected her to add more but, much to her annoyance, she just continued to stare back at her. "Well?" she asked impatiently.

"Take off your clothes," Iona commanded.

"Excuse me?" Jo asked incredulously.

Iona smiled. "I said 'take off your clothes.' I thought I was pretty straight forward about it."

Jo had to admit that she was surprised by this. If anyone was going to be taking off their clothes she had assumed it would be Iona. Jo was sure that particular tactic worked quite effectively with Iona's male clients but it wouldn't have affected her if Iona had taken her clothes off. Jo might have even gotten a little bit of amusement out of watching her try and use that approach on her. But it did bother Jo to have to take her own off. The pain she had been expecting; embarrassment in this form, she had not.

Iona crossed her arms and stared at Jo, a look of amusement on her face. "I thought you were an expert on what I do or so you seem to claim. Why then, does it seem to surprise you so much?"

"I'm not surprised." She was of course but she wasn't about to admit it. It was bad enough that the surprise showed even just a little; she refused to admit it out loud.

Iona took a step closer to Jo, not terribly close but close enough that it felt slightly uncomfortable. Jo willed herself to stand her ground and look Iona square in the eye when she spoke. "Then why are you still in your clothes?"

Jo wanted to have a ready comeback but she faltered briefly. For all of the bravado she was projecting she didn't feel any of it. This move, especially right off the bat did unnerve her. She hadn't been expecting Iona to ask her to disrobe, first thing. But as she thought about it she knew why Iona was doing it. In fact, Jo felt it already. Iona meant to make her feel bare, vulnerable, and exposed.

Even though Jo knew the reason for this request it still didn't spare her feelings of unease over it. She'd seen Iona in practically nothing; she'd thought nothing of stripping down to her underwear practically the second that Henry and Jo had met her. Jo knew it was shallow but she couldn't help but feel self-conscious in comparison. Iona really had every right to feel such confidence about her body and while Jo knew she was doing alright for herself in this department she also knew she didn't look like _that._

Jo spent a little too much time dwelling on Iona's command and what it meant because Iona spoke again, this time clear amusement on her face. "Are you afraid?"

Jo scowled at Iona "Of course not." She knew Iona was goading her, edging her on. She didn't even have to say 'prove it' for Jo to feel the implication. By doing as Iona said she was only playing into what Iona wanted. But refusing to do what Iona said would only prove her nervousness. Jo hated that already, so soon in the game, she felt Iona had backed her into a corner which she could not get out of without feeling that she was at least in some part losing.

Jo took a step back to allow her more room. If she was going to do this she was going to do it with some flare. She tugged her shirt free of her pants and undid the buttons quick, hoping the swift movements would cover up the notice of their slight shake. When she had the buttons all undone she threw off the shirt and let it fall dramatically behind her. She gave Iona a smirk and hoped it conveyed carelessness.

Iona was unaffected by any of it. "You're not done yet," she said motioning towards Jo's pants.

The neutrality of Iona's attitude particularly bothered Jo. "Maybe I am," Jo said crossing her arms and tilting her chin up slightly. She tried to ignore how bare her arms were and how they brushed against her exposed stomach. She didn't want to feel the effects already. She hadn't wanted to do what Iona said, out of fear and out of her own stubbornness. She obeyed the order but maybe she didn't have to obey it entirely. Maybe there was a middle ground here.

Iona obviously did not feel the same. She made her way close to Jo again. "Acting out are we? And so soon?"

She was trying to appear angry, upset with Jo and to almost anyone she would appear to be so. But Jo was a detective, and a pretty good one too if she did say so herself. She could tell what people were really feeling, what they were really saying, even when their words and actions said otherwise. Iona was pleased. She thought things were going to be _easy_ with Jo. She thought she was already winning.

It was a kindness, really, Jo told herself. Knowing that Iona perceived her as soft would only make it all the easier for her to remain strong. "I don't take orders," Jo replied fiercely.

Jo expected to be reprimanded for her words, she welcomed it even. That made it all the more infuriating when Iona seemed to glaze over them completely and continue her own train of thought. "People act out usually to be heard."

" _Children_ act out."

"You're a cop; I'm sure you've seen enough to know that it is not a behavior isolated to children."

Jo had to give her that at least and didn't see any fault in admitting it. "I suppose not. But _I'm_ not acting out."

When Iona spoke again she was so quiet that even in such close proximity Jo leaned in a little at her words. "What haven't they noticed?"

Jo faltered. "W-What?"

"You want them, Henry, to see. There's something he hasn't noticed, even though it's causing you so much pain he shouldn't be able to ignore it," Iona said sympathy in her voice.

Jo's breath caught in her throat. Iona knew? How did she know? Jo felt caught for a moment before realizing that Iona could have gained that much just from Henry's bringing her here. She still didn't know what Henry had said exactly when he'd contacted Iona but she was sure that Iona's information had come from Henry and not Jo. Iona couldn't read her mind. She was good but she wasn't that good.

"What is it Jo? Just tell me," she urged gently. "I'm here to listen. I won't ignore you like the rest."

Jo had to look down. There were tears, actual tears in her eyes and she was embarrassed of herself. Iona's words sounded so genuine. She actually sounded like she cared for Jo, that she really did want to know. It stuck, deep and steady inside of a heart that felt so broken and messed up. Everything felt like chaos that she did not understand but she knew she yearned for that. For weeks now she had felt like she was screaming inside for someone to listen and nobody had.

But the words weren't real. They couldn't be. People always said that but they never really meant it. "Don't get soft on me," Jo spat out instead, recovering from brief moment of weakness. Part of her wondered why she didn't desperately take the chance Iona was giving her but mostly she knew she was beyond that.

"You don't have to do this," Iona implored softly. She could read Jo better than Jo wanted to admit; she could see more than she wanted her to see. She knew Jo was shutting down.

"I said I don't want to talk. And I'm not going to take orders."

"Are you sure about that Jo?"

She was asking for permission. It didn't appear that way but Jo could see that Iona was giving her one last chance to stop this. If she said no, Iona would be kinder and gentler with her. If she said yes, she was almost certain Iona would be mean and rough. For a minute she almost said she wasn't sure. But when she remembered that she would be required to speak of her problems in order to receive nicer treatment she realized there was only one answer.

She would just have to hold out long enough for Iona to give. She couldn't torture Jo forever and Jo would only have to wait until that point when Iona admitted defeat. She squared her shoulders and with certainty, answered "I'm quite certain."

Jo saw the shift in Iona's eyes and almost regretted it instantly. Her expression was cold and dark. Her demeanor was now hard. Without another word she came at Jo and started to roughly undo her belt. Jo reached a hand down to stop Iona from doing it but Iona swatted at her hand, hard. Jo flinched pulling it back to herself in surprise and pain.

"No," Iona firmly commanded. "You don't know how to take orders," anger in her voice. Jo knew that it still had to be an act but it was much harder for her to tell now.

Iona quickly freed the belt from the loops, throwing it and Jo's badge aside and letting them fall to the ground with a smack. She yanked the button free and the zipper down. She bent down and jerked Jo's pants down so fast and rough that Jo was sure she'd left some sort of denim burn on her skin. She yanked Jo's shoes off and freed her of the pants at her ankles, leaving her barefoot, in nothing but her underwear and bra.

Despite the fact that Jo knew what it was Iona was trying to do she still felt humiliated. Iona moved like she was disgusted with Jo. She felt like a reprimanded child being treated the way she was, having her clothes removed from her by force. She knew it was a tactic of Iona's but all she could feel at the moment was the burn of embarrassment all over and it overpowered her reason.

Wherever Jo was in this uncovered position with someone it was for a purpose. She was normally in front of person this bare to feel warmth and comfort, to feel skin against hers. But all she felt now was cold and humiliation. There would be no comfort in this for her. In fact, there was going to be pain. And the real kicker of it was she'd asked for it.

Jo was still trying to recover herself when Iona grabbed her by the back of the neck and dragged her across the room. Jo wasn't having to follow orders now but this was worse. Being forced had even less dignity in it. Iona's grip was so hard on Jo she felt Iona's nails digging themselves into her skin. Jo felt clumsy as she tried to follow Iona's lead but Iona wasn't making it easy, leaving Jo stumbling to keep up. Iona led her to a chair across the room and practically threw her into it.

"Sit down," she yelled at Jo, as if Jo had any choice in the matter. Her bottom collided hard with the metal seat and she landed with a sickening thud. She tried to stand up but Iona was in front of her quick. She laid her hand across Jo's face and pushed her back down.

It hurt, especially with the former collision so recent and bruising. In anger, Jo stood up again. She was humiliated but she didn't have to take this. She regained some of her previous anger and stubbornness even as Iona pushed her down by her face for a second time. Iona let Jo resist once more before she'd had enough. When Jo tried to get up a third time, just in spite at this point, Iona reached out a hand to Jo's shoulder. She placed it in exactly the right place to send a shot of pain through her shoulder and arm making them feel weak. Jo couldn't help but remain sitting this time.

With her one hand still on Jo's shoulder she reached her other to grab Jo's chin and force her to look up at her. "O.K. we're going to get a few things straight now. You may not want to take orders, but while you're in my office you are under my power. I know you're used to being in control, to being in charge, but I am the one in charge now. You will do as you're told or you will be made to do as you're told. Do you understand that?"

Jo felt sick to her stomach. She hated that she had chosen this, that she'd even asked for it specifically several times. She hated even more that she so quickly regretted the choice she'd been so sure about only moments ago.

She felt the wave of humiliation over her again, like she was a child in trouble again. She would not even let her mind dwell on that comparison; she had more than enough to contend with in the present without digging up darkness from her past. She reminded herself that she had endured many things in her life. She could certainly get through this. She only needed to make it through and appease Henry and everyone else.

Iona stared at her, her gaze very scrutinizing. She was waiting on an answer from Jo; she was watching as her tricks had an effect on Jo. Jo became aware again of her undressed state. It was hard to feel cocky when you were in nothing but your underwear and somebody was clearly having a good look at you. She couldn't help but blush all over and she hated it because it was so obvious she knew Iona had seen.

Jo's shoulder burned. She knew that trick. She'd used that trick several times. The funny thing about this was that she could take Iona down. She could have _her_ on her knees begging for mercy. In fact, Jo wasn't quite sure why she was in this position, why she was even putting up with this.

Jo felt a sudden burn of stubbornness flair up inside of her. She looked up at Iona with defiance. "Yes, let's get things straight. You're only in charge because I'm letting you be in charge. And I'm only here because Henry asked me to come. He may have a high opinion of what you do but I don't. I'm only here to prove how wrong he is."

Iona stared at Jo for a second, her expression hard to read. Jo felt more confidence than she had a moment ago and she believed her words had an effect. But the next second Iona moved with such speed that Jo wasn't prepared for it. With her arm still on Jo's shoulder she grabbed that arm with her other hand and twisted it behind Jo's back. She yanked on it until Jo cried out in pain then she pulled Jo back against the chair and held her from behind.

She brought her mouth so close to Jo's ear that she could her breath on her. "I am fully aware that you are cop and that you know how to inflict pain. I know you could hurt me. But consider for a second what I do and realize that you just might find yourself outmatched. _I_ know how to hurt people. Be as difficult as you want; I'm used to stubborn people. Say you hate me; I'm used to that too. Insult me and my work all you want. I've heard it all already. But know this: no matter what you say or do, my methods _are_ effective. And I'm going to prove it to you."

For the first time, Jo felt frightened. Iona's voice was dangerous and threatening. Maybe she had underestimated Iona after all. She still had little respect for what Iona did but the amount of pain she was able to dish out and the amount of resistance she put up with on a daily basis just might exceed what Jo herself dealt with. For the first time, she doubted herself. Iona actually might be able to take her. Even if Jo didn't believe this was therapy, she did not doubt that Iona could effectively torture her.

Her head started to break out with sweat and her arm throbbed in pain as Iona let a moment of dramatic silence hang in the room. Iona pulled on her arm again, so hard that Jo felt like it could break. Of course, she knew you could make it hurt for a long time before that actually happened but unfortunately so did Iona and she was taking full advantage.

"I don't care how you got here," Iona continued. "Henry may have convinced you to come. But Henry is not here. It is just you and me and this is entirely about you and your problem. He may have brought you here but you are the one who walked into this room. You agreed to this. You gave me that control you claim to still hold in your hand. I have it now and you are the one who gave it to me. And I will do as I please with you. Now, I will ask you again: Do you understand that?"

Jo hated the idea of submitting to Iona and agreeing like she wanted her to. She had refused to do it before. But she didn't have as much of a problem with it now knowing that Iona would probably release her hold on her if she did. "Yes," she reluctantly agreed.

She wasn't wrong and Iona released her arm. Jo knew she shouldn't show the weakness but she couldn't help but immediately grab her limp and throbbing arm with her other one. She rubbed her aching shoulder and noticed nail marks on her shoulder from where Iona had dug into her.

"Good," Iona teased, her voice still sounding dangerous but taking on a sweet tone. "I'm glad we cleared up that misunderstanding."

She reached out towards Jo's chin and Jo couldn't help but flinch. She chided herself as Iona smiled at the involuntary action. She stroked Jo's chin once and then held it in her hand again, this time gently and spoke calmly. "You did come here for a reason and I'm going to find out what it is. I see it in your eyes. There's something inside of you; something building and needing out. And I'm going to break you open and spill it out."

Jo felt a bit of intrigue at these words. She wouldn't allow herself to admit that it might be anticipation or even excitement. This whole arrangement was wrong after all. Wasn't it? There would have to be something wrong with her if she admitted she wanted the pain. She would have to admit that she was messed up if someone literally had to beat the problem out of her. Wouldn't she?

She wasn't sure if she found the pain appealing but the release it could cause just might be. She knew she did have something building inside of her. She knew that things inside of her were all broken. She knew she hadn't been herself lately that she had gotten out of sync from her normal rhythm. She knew what had caused it and she knew it was happening but for some reason she hadn't been able to get things back in order. She'd been lost about what to do. The idea that someone, even through questionable means, could right it all _was_ appealing.

Before Jo could form any further thoughts Iona tightened her hand on Jo's chin and continued. "And because you were so clear on how you wanted to be treated, that you were sure to let me know you didn't want me to be too soft on you," she paused teasing. "Then the pain will continue until you beg for it to stop. Do you understand all of that?"

Jo shivered, blaming it on her bare skin. This was actually going to happen. Iona could have been kinder with her; she would have made it not so bad. She had tried to get Jo just to talk about her problems without the need for this. But Jo had asked for the pain and now Iona was going to give it to her until she literally begged for mercy. Jo had a brief and fleeting thought that she could still leave. She wasn't bound yet; she could still walk out of here before anything else happened. She could still get out of this. Once she said yes to this question there would be no going back. But she already knew what she was going to do.

She looked Iona in the eye and with certainty she spoke. "Yes, I understand."

"Good. Now sit in that chair and keep your mouth shut."

She left Jo sitting in the chair, walking out of her sight. Jo could hear her moving behind her briefly before it became heavily silent in the room. She wanted to fidget but she willed herself to remain still and quiet. She was sure it was probably a test to see if she would stay. She had no doubt Iona was watching her and she wouldn't give her the satisfaction of being caught looking for her. While she hated the submission this was requiring of her, her goal was still to prove she could handle this.

She thought of Henry. She was so angry at him for bringing her here. She should have just left when she realized where they were going. She'd only agreed because he asked her to do it for him. Pompous Henry. Always better than everyone else Henry. Always stronger and with every detail of his life perfect Henry. She could really get irritated with him at times. Why had she felt the need to do this just because he'd asked so kindly? It seemed she never could say no to him no matter what he asked of her.

She had started out being angry with Henry but the more she thought about him the sadder she got. Only she knew he was the real reason she was here. And it wasn't just because he'd brought her there; she knew it was because he was really at the root cause of all of this. She wrapped her arms around herself now feeling terribly alone. She wasn't sure she could feel anymore lonely than she was now, sitting here by herself, unclothed and waiting to be hurt.

Why had he let it get this bad? Why had he let it get to this point? She only needed him to just see, to know. Now she couldn't let him see. She had only wanted him to make it better in the beginning. But now she was beyond help.

Iona came back to where Jo was sitting and Jo was actually glad because it distracted her from her own thoughts. Iona carried in her arms of bunch of metal and chains. First, she took out a pair of handcuffs. Jo looked and them and though it was hard to tell they looked like her own cuffs. She'd still had them on her and Iona must have retrieved them from her pile of clothes.

Iona took Jo's wrists and cuffed them together in front of her. They were tight around her wrists though not terribly uncomfortable. It was an odd sort of feeling to be cuffed with the very same cuffs she used on criminals. Jo couldn't tell if it was ironic or funny or just plain demeaning.

Being cuffed didn't bother her terribly. Her hands were still close to her even if they were stuck together and it wasn't the first time she had ever been in handcuffs. It was the other things that Iona had with her that caused a little bit of worry. After she had cuffed Jo, she took what looked to be pair of shackles and worked them around Jo's ankles. This was a feeling Jo couldn't say she had experienced and was one she couldn't say she liked.

Once Iona had her ankles shackled she took the chain that connected them and wound it up over her handcuffs. It forced Jo to have to lean forward slightly and made her feel a little less comfortable as now all four of her limbs were connected. There would be no moving now. She wouldn't be able to stand or move her arms and legs at all without the others being pulled along with them. The handcuffs had certainly left the impression that she was a prisoner but that wasn't so bad. The added shackles made her feel more like a slave, with no rights or power whatsoever. Jo reminded herself that this was all psychological. Iona meant for her to feel she was under her control. That's all this was; just symbolic. There was no need for her to get emotional in any way over it.

She expected Iona to say something as she worked but she was surprisingly silent as she bound Jo up. The silence only added to the unease that Jo felt and she was very tempted to break it with some sarcastic or smart-aleck remark but she wouldn't allow herself. She knew it would only be a clear sign that she was feeling uncomfortable so she remained quiet and Iona finished without a word and walked off again. Jo could hear her moving around somewhere behind where she was seated followed by the sound of her instruments being moved around.

She wondered what was going to happen next. She'd seen all the things that Iona kept in this room so she knew what the possibilities were. There was a wide range of the amount of pain that could be sustained at Iona's hands and Jo wondered where on the spectrum she would find herself. She could assume nothing at this point because this was already very different than what Henry had being going through when she'd found him here in Iona's office. He'd not been restrained as much as she was and he'd been allowed to keep his clothes. Though she figured he had probably offered himself up as a very willing specimen and maybe that accounted for the difference in treatment. Jo assumed she had probably earned this harsh treatment for all her resistance.

She couldn't help but briefly wonder: did Henry really enjoy this? He was weird but this seemed extreme, even for him. Jo shook her head; there was Henry again, popping up when she didn't want him to. She didn't want to remember him, here in Iona's office, with some problem he would rather tell to Iona than to her. She didn't want to think about her own problems and being alone with Iona without him here either.

With thoughts of Henry still in her head, she welcomed the physical pain when it finally came. Without any warning, Iona whipped her on the back. Jo had been listening for her approach so she knew she was coming but Jo hadn't known she would hit without any word of warning or preparation. It was quick and sharp and left a lasting sting against her bare back but it wasn't so bad. She had been hit much harder than that before. She took a deep breath and let it out and found she could tolerate it well. It was far from unbearable and she felt a confidence that she would be able to endure this long enough.

It felt like a riding crop and her suspicion was confirmed a moment later. Iona let the smooth edge of it trace along her back, sweeping up and down. Jo didn't know what the purpose of this could be other than to tease her and leave her to stew in anticipation for the next hit. Admittedly, it was uncomfortable. Waiting for something to come was often the worse part of the experience. But she felt strong. She knew she could handle this. Iona certainly could have picked out something much more painful than this among her wares. There were other methods Iona employed that Jo wasn't so sure she would have been able to endure. Maybe she still underestimated Jo. Jo was glad for that. She knew she could get through this was show Iona and Henry how wrong they had been in their assumptions about her.

Soon enough Iona began to hit her again, this time several times before the pause. The strikes became harder to bear the more hits there were but Jo just closed her eyes and focused on the blows. As they cut across her back she visualized them, dealing with each one separately. She acknowledged the pain, dealt with it and pushed it away. It became more difficult to do as Iona increased the number strikes given at one time and decreased the pause between each round. Her body started to ache and protest all over. Her back felt ablaze and she felt the heat all over, a steady sweat breaking out on her forehead.

But she had to admit that there was almost something cleansing about it. Even when it got more challenging to tolerate Jo had to admit there was a redeeming quality of it. She had thought Iona's clients ridiculous to choose physical pain, to actually pay good money for it. But she was starting to understand it. Only now, feeling her body alive with sensation did she realize how dull and numb to anything she had been lately. It was only now when she was feeling so much that she realized she had been feeling so very little lately. She hadn't understood how awful that numbness had been until now and even though what she felt now was pain it was preferable to that lack of feeling.

Physical pain was so certain. You got hurt, you felt pain and you knew you felt pain. It was easy to understand what caused it and easy to know what to do to deal with it. It wasn't hard to understand like emotional pain that you could feel without even knowing the cause or the solution. Jo knew she wasn't good at dealing with her emotions especially once they had started to get the best of her. But it was just so hard to understand what she was feeling or needing. And even when she did understand it, she usually chose to ignore it.

Some unmeasurable amount of time had passed from the onset of the hitting before Iona paused for an unusually long time between strikes. Jo wasn't sure how long they had been going on like this, Iona hitting her, nothing but silence between them, but she knew that it had been a long time. She felt good when she realized how long she had endured and how well she had been coping. She had been able to stand the pain, without trying to escape it and without crying out from it and that felt good. Though she found herself breathing rapidly as she rested she felt she was stronger for having gone through it.

But the longer that Iona paused without providing any new pain for Jo, the less her body seemed to be in agreement with the things that Jo had set her mind to. She was annoyed when her body began to tremble. It was involuntary and she was unable to stop it. Her body shook as her muscles seemed to spasm and her body felt the contrast of heat from the pain and the cool air as it hit her sweaty skin. Though she could bear the pain her body seemed to be having a hard time keeping up with what her mind had decided. Unfortunately, Iona noticed it all and seemed to take pleasure in it. She came around to face Jo a smirk on her face.

"Why don't you just give up? I know you're going to," she said, her first words to Jo since before she had even bound Jo.

"You don't know very much about me, do you?" Jo bit back, not caring at all for the lack of control she had over her body at the moment and the great joy Iona took out of that.

"I know enough."

Iona placed her hands on the back of the chair at either side of Jo and leaned in close. The proximity of Iona's face to her own made Jo quite uncomfortable but she said nothing and did nothing, unwilling to give Iona any more ammunition go on. She reminded herself again that she just had to get through this, that she only had to last longer than Iona. The fastest way to do that was to keep the appearance that she was unaffected by any of this, so Iona would get frustrated and admit defeat.

"I know there's something in there," Iona continued, so close her breath touched Jo's face. "I know there's something building and building. It's complete chaos inside of you."

"You know nothing about me. You may be able to fool others into thinking that you can just look at them and give them their entire life story but I'm not buying it."

"And why is that?"

"I'm a detective. I know how it works. You pretend you know everything already, you give a person enough info about themselves that they think you can see everything, then they spill the rest for you voluntarily," she said with a smile. It was satisfying to show Iona how little she really knew and how rudimentary her techniques appeared.

Unfortunately for Jo, Iona seemed to be unaffected by her steady confidence. She was beyond calm when she spoke again. "Very good Detective," she teased. "But I'm sure you also know, that you don't have to have the entire story to convict someone, do you? How often do you ever have the whole story? You just need enough proof to convict them. Like I said before, I know enough. I know there's something in there."

"So what if there is?" Jo asked haughtily. "You have no proof. And I'm not going to give you any either."

"You don't need to," Iona said with a shrug, appearing as though she didn't have one ounce of worry about the matter.

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"It is so obvious. You've give it all up already."

"Are you sure you're not just seeing what you want to see?"

Iona leaned in even closer, her face just an inch away from Jo's. " _Everybody_ sees it, Jo," she said now with a hint of anger. "You're not hiding it from anybody. You think you're so good at pretending you're fine. But nobody is buying it. It's ridiculous that you think you're keeping it from anybody," Iona said, practically spitting out the last statement before pulling away again.

Jo didn't want to be but she was affected by Iona's words. She had really put a lot of effort into appearing as if she had it all together. She desperately hoped that she hadn't failed as miserably as Iona was making it sound. She knew that she hadn't been doing as well lately with her efforts but she hoped that she wasn't doing so terribly that everyone found her ridiculous.

"You're not good at hiding pain at all. And you want to know why that is? It's because you can't handle it."

"You continue to underestimate me. I can handle a lot more pain than you can imagine," Jo said, getting angry now herself.

"No you can't," Iona said with certainty. "You won't even feel it. At the very least you run from it. At the very worse you numb it like a coward. You dull it as much as you can with alcohol and sex."

Jo looked up at her in surprise. Had Henry told her that? No, no surely he wouldn't. He wouldn't tell Iona something like that; she was sure he wouldn't. He was too much of gentleman for that. But the doubt nagged at her all the same. Even if he hadn't, which she was almost certain he hadn't, that meant that Iona could read her much easier than she'd thought and that she had seen much more than Jo realized she had.

Iona smiled in satisfaction and Jo realized she was staring at Iona with her mouth hanging open in shock. She quickly shut it though it was too late to conceal the surprise she felt.

"You aren't strong. You're not brave. I don't know what you are," Iona said with near disgust. It was like Jo was worthless and it was hard for her not to feel it.

She opened her mouth to speak but Iona silenced her with a whip against her lap. It took her by surprise and the bare flesh of her upper legs was more sensitive that of her back so this time she did cry out.

"Don't talk," Iona said with disgust, like hearing Jo speak was the last thing on earth she could tolerate. "You said you didn't want to talk. And now, I don't want to listen either."

Iona went back around behind Jo and began to strike her again. Her hits came harder and more frequent than they were before. Jo was glad that her face was hidden from Iona because she felt it would be hard to contain the torment she was feeling inside of her.

She had to admit, to herself at least, that Iona was starting to get to her. Iona's anger and skepticism had been easy to ignore. When she had thought so little of Jo's strength it had challenged Jo and even enforced her ability to remain strong. But hearing Iona's distain was hard to cope with. Jo knew it was an act but it was hard not to feel it when she knew that what Iona was saying was the honest truth.

She couldn't deny it; the things that Iona said where the very things that she had been telling herself for weeks. She wasn't as brave as she wanted to be or as strong as she tried to be. She wasn't as capable or independent as she worked to be. Hearing someone else say those things to her, having them someone see her for what she really was, was the very fear she had been running from coming to life.

Though Iona's hits were stronger than they had been before, her skin was already broken and inflamed, and her body already weakened, the pain seemed to be lessening instead of getting worse. It was no longer enough to distract her from her fear and doubt and the pain she was feeling inside.

"Harder!" Jo suddenly cried.

"What's that?" Iona asked, pausing.

"Hit me harder. It isn't enough."

Iona reached a hand into Jo's hair and pulled her head back so that she had to look up at Iona. She pulled hard and it hurt and Jo liked it. She resisted against it just to feel the pull get worse.

"Are you giving orders?" Iona asked incredulously, challenge and anger in her voice.

"No I…I just I-"

"Are _you_ implying that I do not know how to do my job?" Iona asked. She said it like Jo was the dumbest person alive, that it would be impossible for her to know anything, least of all this.

"No. I just meant…I just _want_ …"

"Tell me. Tell me what you want."

"I want you to hit me harder. Please."

The added 'please' at the end of her request seemed to appease Iona. She now looked down at Jo with less anger and more of a look like she was a pet that was only too stupid to know any better. If Jo could ever recover all of the dignity that she was losing here tonight she would be surprised.

Iona now brushed Jo's hair back with a bit of affection, her fingers running slowly through her full locks. "Tell me how much," Iona commanded darkly. "Beg me to hurt you."

Iona had told Jo she would have to beg her to make the pain go away but Jo had not realized she would have to beg her to make it continue. While the former had felt impossible to achieve at the time she found she had no problems with the later. Jo wasn't sure how this had happened so quickly. She had been so resistant to this, so against the pain and torture. But now she sought it out and was even going so far as to beg for it.

"I want you to hurt me," Jo admitted.

"You like the pain, do you?"

Jo paused, but only briefly. "Yes. Hit me harder. Please, say you'll do it."

Iona smiled. Clearly pleased with herself. "I suppose you do know how to be a good girl. When you want to."

Jo clearly felt the very short leash she was on but she chose not to dwell on it. She hated how much she enjoyed being praised even though she was sure it was meant to sound condescending. She was waiting, expecting to be rewarded for complying. But Iona had one final request.

"Say 'I beg you.'"

It was clear to Jo that Iona expected her not to obey. Jo had been so resistant and to do this would be the ideal submission. But Jo knew clearly how much she was beyond all of her former opposition now. Something dark and ugly was building inside of her and she needed to calm it, even if this is what it took.

"I beg you."

"Fine," Iona agreed with annoyance. "I suppose I will allow it. But lean forward."

"What?"

"Put you head in your lap. I don't want to see your face when you start to cry."

Jo agreed with no resistance. She leaned forward bringing her face down to her lap, her hands covering her eyes. She knew that Iona's words were mean because she had asked for them to be. But they were really starting to hurt. She felt lower than dirt, Iona unable to even look at her, as she awaited the judgment she had brought on herself. The judgment she had begged for even.

She wanted to argue with Iona that she had no intentions of crying. But she couldn't because she was already starting. She felt like garbage, had felt like it for weeks now. The events which had led her here replayed themselves in her mind only causing her eyes to fill more. This is what she deserved. She knew it. And she had thought she had wanted what she deserved but now that she was actually getting it, it only made the pain worse. She thought that getting what she felt she deserved would relieve her sorrow but she realized it was only making her feel lonelier than ever.

Iona struck her on the back with what felt like a hard plastic baton. The blow was so hard it knocked the air right out of her lungs. She couldn't even scream or cry because it had literally taken her breath away. When she finally could get a breath it was gasping. The pain was so excruciating she was blinded by it for a moment. But the shock of it was over soon and she felt the pain of the hit radiating across her entirely back, the extent of it so deep she felt it all the way through to her chest. She could already feel a welt forming on her back and she could only imagine the bruising she was going to be left with.

She had asked Iona to hit her harder and Iona had not disappointed. Jo wasn't sure what else Iona could do that would cause more pain than this had. Or at least, what else she could do that would hurt worse and not cause lasting damage. Iona could hurt a person but she wouldn't do anything that would permanently maim them. Jo was sure that she would not be able to handle many strikes like this. Her body would not be able to bear much more before there was some very real damage.

Iona gave her a long while to recover and she was thankful for it. For a while there was nothing but the pain. Her mind couldn't handle anything else but the dealing with of it and the managing of it. And almost like magic, for a few minutes her problems had disappeared. The worries and troubles she'd had were gone because there was no space for them in her mind. But as the pain subsided and she began to recover from the hit they returned. She remembered why she was here and pain she was trying to cover up with this physical pain.

"Is that better for you?" Iona asked finally.

Jo was breathing heavily and could still hardly speak. "Yes. As a matter of fact it is," she said her voice weak.

There was fight in Jo's voice but they both knew she was getting close to the end. Iona must sense it but Jo still didn't like Iona's assumption that she was going to break. Still, it was undeniable that they were going to have to end soon. Whether it was because Jo's body would physically be unable to handle any more physical pain and Iona would end it or whether Jo would break first and ask for it to stop was still uncertain. But whatever the reason they would have to stop.

"What would Henry say if he were here? Can you imagine what his face would look like if he could hear you now, begging me to hit you harder? I can just see the shock on his face now. He can be _so_ dramatic," Iona said with a small laugh.

Why was she bringing up Henry? Henry was the last thing Jo wanted to think about right now. The need for his comfort, a need she had felt often lately, had never been greater than at this moment. She instantly felt sick at herself and full of shame just thinking of what Henry would say if he were here right now to see her in this state. She chocked, a lump suddenly in her throat and coughed to clear it.

"He'd be surprised. Don't you think?" Iona asked. Maybe she thought Jo's flustering was from doubt instead of the revulsion she felt at herself. Jo moved to raise her head without thinking about it and she felt one of Iona's fingers on her head. She pressed Jo's head firmly down indicating that Jo was not to look up.

"But what do you think his shock would be of?" Iona continued. "You think he would be ashamed? Or do you think he would be pleased? He does seem like rather a glutton for punishment."

"I don't want to talk about Henry."

She didn't want to talk about Henry; she didn't even want to think about him. He wouldn't be pleased. Of that she was sure. He may seem to chase danger and pain at every opportunity for himself and like it when he found it. But he wouldn't like it if he saw her doing the same. He was too sensitive, too caring towards others. He was much more compassionate towards others than he was for himself. He'd be appalled if he could see what was happening here. Thinking it over now, Jo couldn't believe he would even bring her here in the first place.

She knew he would be ashamed of her if he really saw her, if he really knew her. Hadn't that been why she was pulling away? Did he already sense that? He must have sensed something wrong for him to leave her in Iona's care, knowing full well what Iona did to people. It was out of character for him. What had driven him to take this step, a step she was sure he wouldn't normally make?

"Well, you don't have to. _I_ however can talk about him all I like."

She struck Jo on the back again. This time Jo cried out in pain, her voice coming out strangled, her hands balling into fists and pulling against the handcuffs. She didn't even mind calling out this time because with the amount of pain she felt there was no way of avoiding it. Her back had already been so damaged from the riding crop and, though on its own the damage hadn't felt so bad, when Iona stuck her with the baton she was fully aware of how injured her skin had already been. It was way too tender to withstand this kind of beating.

While Jo was still gasping and fighting to breathe Iona continued. "The way I see it, you don't deserve him at all."

"Why would say that?" Jo asked, her voice more broken than she meant for it to sound. Iona was going for the throat, reaching in and pulling out her deepest fear. Could she see already what Jo had been trying so desperately to hide? Could she really see how much Jo didn't deserve Henry? Did Iona see the things that proved Henry would not want her? Did she see how unfaithful Jo was, how selfish she could be?

"Why _shouldn't_ I say that?" Iona shot back.

Jo was at a loss for an answer to this question. She couldn't come up with a reason adequate enough to defend herself. She knew that Henry could certainly find someone prettier than her. But it wasn't even as shallow as just looks. Henry really did deserve a finer woman, someone who was refined and graceful; someone more like him. Jo wasn't any of those things. She would fail Henry. She would let him down and he deserved so much better than that.

"Why do you think you matter to him?" Iona probed again, clearly requiring an answer this time.

"I'm his partner," she said weakly.

"So what? Professional partners, of what real importance are they? They are people we spent time with because we are required to."

"I'm his friend."

"Are you? Are you really? What kind of friend would bring you here and leave you here with me? Think about it; Henry knows what I do to people. He knows that I hurt them and he brought you here to me. He left you."

Jo was weeping now but Iona didn't seem to take any pity on her for it. She cried into her hands, the physical pain unbearable, and the words excruciating. She couldn't take it and she was glad now for the chance to hide from Iona's view while her strength failed her and she started to break.

"I think he knows exactly how messed up you are. How weak and breakable you must be."

Iona hit her again, twice this time, one right after the other. Jo didn't even have time to register the pain or recover from the first before the next hit was upon her. She must have bit her tongue or cheek because she tasted blood in her mouth. Her stomach rolled, the pain so great it made her nauseous and for one terrible minute she was sure she was going to vomit. It was agony and she didn't know if she could bear any more blows.

Still, she wanted it. That agony was better than considering Iona's words. She had no answers for Iona. Her biggest fear was that those words were true, that Henry didn't care for her as much as she had started to believe he had, that they weren't as close as she had thought they were.

She was sobbing now. Partly it was the physical pain. She had held out for so long but she felt she had reached her limit of what she could bear. Her back hurt so much even the air around her seemed to cause it pain. It spread all over her body making her arms and legs feel so weak she wasn't even sure how she would stand again. She couldn't imagine being able to tolerate being hit again. She wanted it to end; she wanted someone to make it better.

But the biggest part of the tears weren't from the physical pain. It was from loneliness. She wanted Henry. She needed him to comfort her. She felt abandoned by him and not just because he had left her here to face Iona without him. She had come to realize how much she needed him and wanted him in her life but she wasn't sure he felt or would ever feel the same.

"Jo…look at me," Iona requested, her voice incredibly quiet now.

Jo shook her head. She didn't want to look at Iona. She knew she would give it up if she did. But this was the end and they both knew it.

Jo knew that Iona knew it because she was gentle with her now. Even though Jo had refused to follow Iona's command, she wasn't harsh with her for it. Jo felt as Iona kneeled in front of her and reached for her face. She took it in between both of her hands and gently raised it to look up and face her. She had always wanted to be kind with Jo. The pain and cruel attitude had been for Jo's benefit because she had asked for it to be that way. Jo had asked for it because she had known all along that she wouldn't have been able to last long if Iona had been nice.

Jo kept her eyes shut but she could feel the compassion from Iona and it was her undoing. It was so much what she had wanted, the real thing she had needed all along, but she had not wanted to accept for herself. She started to sob now but they were quiet slow sobs because she barely had any energy left. She had been incredibly stubborn and nearly hit her physical limit and now she barely had anything left. She felt as Iona stroked her cheeks with her fingers waiting patiently for Jo to look at her and finally speak.

"He forgot," she finally said, it sounding incredibly pitiful.

Iona continued her gentle movements, encouraging Jo on. She was broken just like Iona had promised she would be. It was over and spilling out. "He forgot…and he should have remembered. I _needed_ him to remember," she cried, finally opening her eyes to look at Iona.

Her face was the picture of understanding and rapt attention. It was full of sweetness and sympathy. It made Jo want to tell her everything. "Henry?" Iona asked quietly, clarifying.

"Yes. Why couldn't he see…just see how much I was hurting?" Jo asked as if Iona had an answer. "And now everything is messed up. Now…if he knew…I just don't know what to do," she sobbed.

Iona took one of Jo's hands in her own. She took her other hand and brushed it carefully through Jo's hair, not seeming to mind how messed up or damp it was.

"You need him now?"

"Yes," Jo said nodding her head.

"Let's call him. We'll get this all sorted out. O.K.?" Iona said her voice full of confidence and reassurance.

"O.K." Jo said nodding her head. The way that Iona said it, Jo believed for the first time that maybe it would be alright.


	3. Chapter 3

Iona opened the door to her office and smiled warmly at Henry. "How is she?" he asked quickly, with concern before she could speak.

"She's fine," she reassured him calmly. "Our session went very well."

Henry had been on pins and needles ever since he had left Jo at Iona's. He hadn't expected to be excluded from Jo's session and he felt helpless not knowing what was going on. He had sat and stared at the phone the whole time, waiting anxiously for it to ring. When it finally had Iona had only said "Jo needs you."

He had rushed over as fast as he could to get more information, Iona's summoning having made him more rather than less worried.

Iona stepped back, opening the door to allow him in. "Jo," he called out softly when he saw her. She was sitting on the couch in Iona's office looking more worse for wear than when he'd left her. Her clothes hung on her messily and her hair was unkempt. Her face was red and it was obvious she had been crying. She held a tissue in her hands, wringing it nervously.

"I'm ready to talk now," she said, tears heavy in her voice as she looked up at him.

He thought he would be relieved when those words came. For weeks now he had wanted her to just talk to him, to tell him what was bothering her. Now that she was ready for that he was sure he should feel happy. But to see her now, as she was, to know what had brought her to the point of wanting to talk to him he knew he couldn't be happy for that.

"Go to her," Iona urged beside him when he paused, frozen in the doorway, taking in the sight of Jo. "She hasn't been cared for yet."

Henry was surprised. When Iona had dismissed him earlier he had thought he was to be excluded entirely from the session, after care included. The session was for Jo; not for the both of them. He was sure that Iona would also be the one taking care of Jo after it was over. He was grateful to find that wasn't the case and he was going to be allowed to participate in this way; he had only wanted to make sure that Jo was taken care of this whole time and he was glad she now wanted him to help with that.

He was drawn to her, knowing that she hadn't been comforted yet following the pain of her session. But he found himself annoyingly nervous as he approached her. Things between him and Jo had always been so natural and easy from the start of their partnership. It had easily and almost effortlessly drifted into a friendship. But things between them in the past several weeks had been hard and clearly strained. He now found himself nervous to be with her. She'd been so distant and withdrawn and she'd been so easily angered and irritated with him. He no longer knew what to expect from her.

However, that seemed to have changed since he'd left her here at Iona's office. As he slowly walked towards her she looked at him. Her eyes were expectant not avoiding as they had been for so long now. She looked like she was glad that he was there that she actually wanted him there. It was sad to say he didn't remember the last time he'd felt that. He sat down on the couch beside her and gave her a small smile, still feeling nervous, but hoping to put her at ease. She at least looked like she wasn't angry at him anymore but he still didn't know what to expect.

He knew that Iona must have broken her. It was the only thing that could have produced such a change in her. When he had left Jo here he wasn't sure it could be done. Jo had become so hard and closed off he wasn't sure if anyone could get in. He feared she was beyond reach. It was obvious now that Iona had succeeded. Henry took no joy in knowing that it had happened to her. Though he had known that it must happen to bring about the needed change he was not happy that it had come to this. He wished that something as drastic as this wouldn't have been necessary.

She looked so tired and sad like she may burst into tears at any moment so he reached out a hand to put on her back. To his alarm she flinched slightly and gasped at the touch, her face twisted up in pain. "Sorry," she whispered taking a deep breath. She opened her eyes again and relaxed, recovering from the pain of his touch.

Henry pulled his arm back in alarm. It was too simple a gesture to have caused pain. What exactly had Iona done to her? What must her back look like if just touching her caused her pain? His hand hovered a little between them, unsure of what to do. He had hurt her. He had only wanted to comfort her but he had caused her pain instead. He felt even more lost and unsure of himself, his anxiety growing.

"It's alright," Iona said quietly coming to stand next to them. "You can touch her. You just have to be gentle."

Henry still felt so uncertain. Ever since this trouble had begun he had felt like he got everything wrong. He was always doing something or saying something that seemed to make everything worse or at the very least was completely ineffective. It was only by sheer desperation he had contacted Iona for help but he worried maybe he made things worse. Jo looked at him, waiting for him to reach out like Iona said. She wasn't mad at him he could see but he was starting to feel upset at himself.

"Don't worry, Henry," Iona encouraged when she noticed he still hesitated. "She won't break. I promise. She's very tough," she said with a look of fondness towards Jo. "Now, hold her; it's what she needs."

Henry was nervous and he was grateful for the command to get him moving again as he reached out for Jo. He gently put an arm around her back, careful to keep it high and his touch light. He allowed her to lean in, as much as was comfortable for her and she scooted in close to him, not seeming to be as touchy as he was. He wrapped his other arm around the front of her holding her as tight as he dared to.

He didn't get a chance to dwell on how nice it was to have her near because as soon as she was safely in his arms she started to cry. He wasn't surprised by that; he knew she was in pain; he had known she was hurting for a while now. But when the cries turned into sobs he became worried. He had never seen Jo sob. He'd seen her cry but even that was very rare. The sobs didn't slow down either but seemed to gain speed and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.

"Are you sure she's alright?" Henry asked, turning towards Iona in concern, after it had gone on for a few minutes. What had happened here to cause Jo to come unglued like this? He'd known she'd needed to let out what she was feeling but this seemed extreme. Maybe he had made a mistake. He'd acted as if he really knew what it was that Iona did. But the truth was, he'd never even been a client of hers. The one time he'd found himself in her office for her 'professional demonstration' they had been interrupted. He would admit that he'd wanted to find out more about what she did, that he wanted to have a session with her. But she had drawn that line between them and he'd not tried to fight her on it, respecting her wishes on the matter.

He now felt terrible, realizing that he really didn't know what it was Iona did and yet he had brought Jo here and left her in Iona's care. Visions of Richard Gaines' battered body flashed into his mind. Is that what Jo looked like beneath her clothes? Had he really brought Jo here so Iona could do that to her?

Iona looked at him with surprise. "Are you doubting me Henry?"

"No," he said quickly, shaking his head.

"You brought Jo here to get help. Do you doubt that I've been able to help her?"

"No. No I…I just, I've never seen her cry so much," he said looking down at her again, his arms tightening around her.

"You don't need to be afraid of tears, Henry. Jo needs them. Tears can be a very good thing. They can be very healing. That is what you brought her here for, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"I'm sorry," Jo said, finally speaking up for herself but not moving from where she clung to Henry. "I'm fine Henry, really, I…I'm sorry I'm crying so much."

"You never have to apologize for that," he said leaning down closer to her and speaking quietly to her. "I just want to make sure…I just want to make sure she didn't hurt you," he said his voice a whisper now he hoped only she could hear.

Jo couldn't help but let out a laugh at the question in the midst of her tears. "Really Henry? You're asking whether she hurt me or not? You do know how this works right?"

He recognized the silliness of the question. Of course Iona had hurt her and that was what he had brought her here for. Henry felt his sense of guilt growing heavier by the second. "I did this to you," he said to Jo. "This is my fault. I brought you here and now you're hurt."

"No, Henry; don't feel guilty," she said placing a hand on his chest and pulling back slightly to look at him. "This…this was actually exactly what I needed. Surprisingly enough."

"Are you really alright? She didn't hurt you too badly?"

"I'm alright," she said with a watery smile meant to reassure him.

"Was it too much?"

"No. No, it was just enough."

Iona walked by and sat a basin of water a towel on the table next to them. She walked away to give them some privacy and turned the lights in the room down a little to add a calming effect. She hadn't said anything but Henry knew what it was for.

"May I?" he asked Jo.

She looked perhaps a little flushed and embarrassed at the suggestion but she said nodded her head. "Yeah," she said turning her back towards him.

Her hands went to do undo the buttons on her shirt but he encircled his arms around to the front of her. "Allow me," he asked, leaning in close to her ear. He felt her tense a little out of surprise but she let her hands fall down and out of the way to let him do it instead.

He slowly undid the buttons, letting himself linger just a bit as he held her closer than he'd ever been allowed to. When he'd undone them all he moved his hands to her shoulders and slid her shirt off guiding it down her arms to rest bunched up at her elbows.

The pleasure of the moment was broken for him as he looked on her back. It was not the sight of so much of her that stopped him now. He'd have loved to dwell on those thoughts instead, the ones he thought he'd have in such a scenario. But the damage on her was all he could see now. She was covered in lash marks. They were red and raw and looked like they burned on her skin. There were so many of them it was like he couldn't even see past them to her any of her soft, undamaged skin. And it wasn't even just those that he saw. He also saw four very large long bruises on her back where it appeared she had been struck with a blunt instrument of some sort. Already in such a short time they were dark shades of blue and purple and he could only imagine what they would look like in a day's time.

Jo felt him hesitate and glanced over her shoulder, seeing he was startled by the sight of her back. "It was my fault. I was…stubborn," she said in explanation.

She must know that he was already blaming himself. She was taking the blame of it, the responsibility of the pain she bore. But he did feel guilty. He had been the one who'd arranged this, who had allowed this pain to be a possibility. He just hadn't expected Iona to be so harsh with her. He'd thought Iona would have gone easy on Jo since this was her first time here. He had not counted on Jo receiving this much pain.

"Don't stop," Jo said, breaking him out of his guilt ridden thoughts. "Help me."

He was overwhelmed. The words were almost his undoing. He could never say no to such a request and to hear the words from her specifically, was something he had longed for. He had missed her so much. Even when they had been together lately it wasn't the same. He had missed being with her and being close with her. He hadn't had that in so long but now he felt like he was getting it back, getting _her_ back.

He had wanted so much to help her and now she was allowing him to. She was letting him care for her finally and that was what he wanted that all along. She had to show vulnerability and trust to allow him to care for her like this and he did not take it for granted.

He took the cloth and dipped it in water, wringing it out before bringing it to her back. She flinched slightly at the touch, the water cool and a bit of a shock and he took his other hand to steady her. In a moment, she relaxed and he moved to care for her wounds. He was diligent to cover each one, cooling every part of her burning back. It felt good to help, when for so long he had felt helpless. It wasn't as much as he wanted to do or as much as he felt she deserved. But this would do for now.

When he had finished with her back he pulled her shirt back up carefully to rest on her shoulders. He felt the emotion building up to a level that was near to overflowing as he reached back around to the front of her shirt and redid the buttons.

After the last button was done on her shirt he let his arms linger around her, not wanting to let her go yet. He'd failed her and he just wanted to hold her until he had made it all better. He felt her lean closer in to him as he lingered, seeking more comfort from him and he took the opportunity tightening his arms around her to hold her even closer. He buried his face into her shoulder and hair hoping the action wouldn't be too much. He was relieved when she sighed deeply and nuzzled her face against him. It was clear to him in that moment that she had missed him as much as he had missed her.

He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of her, taking in her warmth, so grateful just for her. He wanted to freeze this moment and stay in it. He never wanted them at odds ever again. He had never held her so close and after their long separation he was all the more able to appreciate it.

And yet it must have been at such a price. He couldn't believe the amount of damage he had seen on her body. It had taken so much to get her to open up. Iona had been forced to inflict a great deal of pain on Jo to get her to open up. The bruises and lash marks on her back were a starling illustration of the pain she must have been feeling inside. It wasn't just the physical pain she'd gone through tonight that his thoughts were on now but the emotional pain she must have been feeling for a long time. She must have been in such pain; how long had it been going on for it to have gotten this bad? Why hadn't he seen?

He'd tried to hold back from it. He'd pushed the tears back and denied himself of them. But he couldn't help it any longer.

"Henry? Are you alright?" Jo asked, concern in her voice as she felt the change in his breathing against her.

"Jo…I'm so sorry," still fighting to keep control.

"I told you…it was my fault. Iona didn't do anything to me that I didn't allow. I even…I asked her to be hard on me."

"No," he said pulling back slightly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to see."

Jo paused, silent and he realized that she must have needed him to see for a long time. She was overwhelmed that he finally had.

"Henry," Iona's voice called, breaking the moment between them. "Jo has some things to she wants to tell you. She wants to explain what's been going on lately."

Henry instantly felt Jo tense up in his arms. She had been so at ease just a moment ago but he could feel that she was worried now. With reluctance she pulled away and with reluctance he let her go. She turned to face him and looked at him now, almost as if she were afraid.

"These things are very personal and they are going to be difficult for her to tell you. But she wants you to know," Iona said staring at Henry. "She wants to be honest with you so that things will be better between the two of you."

Henry realized suddenly that Iona expected him to speak and Jo surely needed the reassurance.

"Of course. Of course, you can tell me anything Jo."

Jo looked like she wanted to believe what Henry was saying but she didn't quite. "Jo," Iona prompted when Jo hadn't spoken. "Henry is saying you can be honest with him. Do you believe that he's being sincere?"

Jo looked at him, her face searching his out for a moment, studying some part of him before the briefest ghost of a smile passed over her lips and she nodded her head slightly. "Yes. I do believe that."

"Then this is a safe place for you. You don't have to be afraid of anything that you have to say."

Jo glanced nervously over at Iona. Iona smiled and nodded her head. Jo seemed to take strength from the encouragement and it was clear to Henry that she had already shared with Iona what was going on.

"Henry, take Jo's hands," Iona gently commanded. Henry was glad for the commands, the permission to freely give Jo some physical affection when doing so was still a bit awkward to initiate between them. With Iona's guidance it was easy now for him to reach out for Jo.

Jo took a deep breath and let it out. "Before I tell you what's been going on I want to tell you first that I don't blame you Henry, for any of this. I take responsibility for my own actions and I know I should have just told you about it all in the beginning. I'm not angry at you alright?"

Henry felt his anxiety grow and dread at her words. Despite that she was saying whatever was going on wasn't his fault the fact that she was trying to reassure him only proved to him that it must be his fault. He'd worried all this time that he'd done something wrong. He'd been almost certain he'd done something to make her angry or hurt; why else would she have pushed him away? He'd worried about it but he'd hoped it wasn't true. Now his fears were confirmed.

He was reluctant to agree when he didn't know what it was she was going to say. But as she looked back at him expectantly he knew he was going to have to. "Alright."

She looked as if she knew he still thought he was going to take the blame. She took a couple of deep breaths but they shook on the way out. "I don't want to hurt you," she said quietly.

"You can tell me," he said honestly, gaining some courage. "Really. I want you to be honest with you. We'll get through it, whatever it is."

She smiled at his words of encouragement. "Alright, here it goes," she said nervously, her hands tightening slightly around his. "Things started to go wrong several weeks ago as I'm sure you know. It was…it started with…the anniversary of Sean's death."

She had looked down from him when she said it but she looked up at him now, her dark eyes meeting his after she'd said it watching to see what his reaction would be.

Henry felt a turmoil inside. He quickly went over the dates in his head. The day Sean had died…it _had_ already passed. How could he have forgotten? Jo had told him when it was, one night when they were out for drinks, after they had both had a few and were feeling a little deep in their conversation topics. Once he found out the date he always meant to remember it, to be there for her when that day came. But he had forgotten. He was sick with the realization.

He couldn't believe it; he was in shock for a moment over his terrible shortcoming. He had forgotten and not just by a day or two. For weeks, for two months, he had forgotten. "I forgot," he said in disbelief, shaking his head.

"Everybody did," she said with a shrug as if it didn't matter. But when she spoke again there was a waiver in her voice that said it did matter. "But I did expect _you_ to remember."

"Jo, I-" Henry started but Jo stopped him. He was almost glad. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? All he could think of was 'I'm sorry,' which was terribly inadequate. He meant it of course, as much as he possibly could, but it wasn't enough.

"Henry, I'm not mad about this. I didn't tell you to make you feel bad about yourself," she said, obviously seeing where his thoughts were headed and wanting to stop him from getting so wound up so early in the conversation. "I'm not angry at you."

She paused and when she spoke again there were tears in her voice. "It just hurt. I'm sorry; I just want to be honest. But it hurt that you didn't remember. I _needed_ you to remember."

Henry hated himself. He felt like dirt. He completely deserved it too. He deserved her being angry and saying nasty things to him. He didn't deserve her saying she was sorry for expecting him to be the friend that he should have been.

"Jo, I don't know what to say" Henry said, shaking his head, the tears threatening to overwhelm him. "You have nothing be sorry for. What you expected is what I should have been. I should have remembered. I _wanted_ to remember. I never wanted you to be alone on that day. Please believe me."

She pressed her lips and nodded her head.

"Forgive me?" he begged and he didn't even care that his voice sounded desperate.

After a pause, she smiled at him, like he hadn't seen her do a very a long time. She reached out a hand to his cheek. "Of course."

She reached out for him like she was trying to comfort him in this and he gladly took the hug she offered, though he didn't deserve it or quick forgiveness. He wanted to cry from the myriad of things he was feeling but he willed himself not to. He was relieved. So relieved to have to her back, to know what had been going on and to know she forgave him for messing up. He loved to see her smile again, to be able to hug her and hold her like this. But he hated himself for how he had failed, for letting her down when she needed him the most. He knew that she forgave him for it but he was going to have a harder time forgiving himself.

"I wish you had told me," he said quietly still hugging her.

"I wish I had too," she admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She paused for a while and when she spoke the worry was back in her voice. "Henry, I uh…I messed up."

"Messed up? What do you mean?"

He pulled back so he could look at her and she looked down at her hands in her lap. She was obviously nervous so he reached out and took her hands again. She glanced up and smiled slightly at him, glad for the encouragement.

"You're nervous," he whispered with a slight smile, to break the tension when she hadn't spoken.

"Yeah," she admitted looking down.

"You don't need to be," he said sincerely as he watched her bite her lip anxiously. "After how I messed up…I can't imagine how this could be worse."

Jo shook her head. "I feel ridiculous. I blew this all so out of proportion. It all sounds so silly now when I say it out loud."

"It isn't silly," he said seriously. "Anything that has bothered you this much for this long could never be ridiculous."

"Thank you for saying that. I was just upset when you forgot about it but I was should have just said something to you. I wish I had now. I should have just told you from the start. But I didn't; I held it in and let it get worse. I let myself feel lonely and sorry for myself."

"I'm so sorry you went through all of that alone. I hate that I wasn't there and that you felt like you couldn't talk to me. Please don't be afraid to talk to me now."

She looked at him, looking briefly glad for the encouragement before she took a deep breath and looked down again. "When Sean died…it was all so sudden. I mean, I never saw it coming. He wasn't sick; we were so young. I never thought something like that would happen. I never got to say goodbye." Jo paused, her voice becoming more and distant as she remembered the past. "After it was over I kept trying to remember…when was the last time we kissed? When did we make love for the last time? And I couldn't remember. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't remember those things. All I could remember were the last words that I said to him. I was left with the anger but…not the good things."

Her voice sounded so sad and aching. Henry felt tears quickly filling his own eyes at her words and longing in his heart. She was talking to him, finally she was opening up to him, sharing her feelings with him and it was so good. But what she was saying was so sad; it was so incredibly sad because he understood those thoughts completely. He knew exactly what those wonderings felt like. He wasn't sure where this conversation was going but he knew exactly how it was possible for her to still felt guilt for the way that things had ended between her and Sean.

"It was like I could still feel it," she said closing her eyes as tears spilled down her face, "all those absent touches, like somehow my mind was trying to make up for it or something. I had no closure for all those last times so I was left with ghosts of them. I was so lonely and in so much pain and I wanted it _so_ bad. All those touches never had. But it was impossible. I couldn't have it. It was only a reminder of how alone I was and I just…I just wanted it gone. So, I tried to make it go away. I would…" she chocked the tears overwhelming her. "To make it go away I…"

Henry stroked her hands with his fingers, back and forth. "Jo, you don't have to tell me about that," he said quietly. He already knew what she was going to say. They both knew that he had already gathered that information, they had just never talked about it.

"Henry, please don't stop me," she said looking at him for a moment. "I finally feel like I can say this out loud but I don't know if it will last long so I want to get it out."

"Sorry," he whispered. He knew, at least in part, what it was that she was going to say. He just hadn't wanted her to feel like she had to tell him. But he realized she already felt like she needed to tell him and it was insensitive of him to try and stop her. "Tell me about it Jo," he added. "Please tell me."

A sob left her mouth and she pulled one of her hands free to cover her face. "He would be ashamed of me," she cried. "If Sean could have seen me he would have been ashamed to see the way I would go out and look for strangers to be in the place he should have been. I was never that kind of person…I never slept with men I just met. I didn't even know some of their names because I was so stinking drunk. I just wanted the pain to go away. I thought it would make that feeling go away." Jo paused and shook her head. "He was dead and I just wanted the last piece of him to go away…what does that make me?"

Henry couldn't hold himself back any longer. He reached out and pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her tight. "It makes you human."

"He wouldn't even recognize me if he could have seen me," she continued. "I hated myself for what I was doing but I couldn't make myself stop. He would be ashamed…if he could see what I had become."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"He loved you Jo. Grief is a terrible thing; it transforms us into people we don't even recognize ourselves. But unconditional love is about loving people always even through our worst times. I can't imagine that you would have given your heart to someone whose loyalty towards you would have been so shallow. He would still love you; that wouldn't change."

There was a long pause before she spoke again. When she did it was almost too quiet for Henry to hear what she was saying. "Would you?"

He tried to pull back and look at her, confused at the question. But she held on and wouldn't look up at him. "What?" he asked.

She didn't speak, like she was afraid to finish the thought. "You can tell me Jo," he reassured but still she paused.

"It's alright Jo," Iona said from her spot across from them, though they both kept forgetting that she was there. "You need to ask Henry this."

Jo was reluctant but she pulled back and faced him. "Would you…would you still feel the same about me, even if you really saw me?"

Henry took both of her hands in his. "Yes," he managed to say around the lump in his throat. "Let me prove it to you."

"Before I met you Henry…I spent a lot of nights in bars in the company of men I did not know. There were many mornings I showed up to work hung over from those nights. I think you probably already know that. But you probably don't know that the morning I met you was the last time that was true."

She lifted her dark eyes, imploring, to his. Henry felt his heart thumping hard in his chest. He knew what she was implying. In light of his most recent failure he hardly felt he deserved to hear it. But even the guilt did not take away the excitement that was running through his blood at the moment at her unspoken implication. He was too happy to know how significant he had become to her to let himself feel he was unworthy of it. She looked to it to see if he understood what it was she was saying and he nodded his head slightly in response.

She smiled slightly. "I was finally happy again. But…" she paused and looked down, blush coloring her cheeks. "The day of the anniversary…I…I…"

Henry quickly put the pieces together. "You went out…like you used to."

Her head remained down, embarrassed. "Yes."

"I should have been there." He wanted to have spared her this pain. She had been happy and she felt she didn't need to turn to her vices anymore. But he had hurt her and let her down, to the point where she felt she needed to turn to them again. Now she regretted it and it never would have happened if he had only been there for her like he should have been.

"No, Henry; it was my fault. It was _my_ choice. I should have sought you out."

"I should have remembered," he insisted.

"I didn't think that day would bother me as much as it did. And in a way it didn't. Honestly…for the first time it wasn't Sean's company that I trying to replace that night."

It was Henry's turn to blush. He hadn't realized how strong her feelings were for him. Though he also supposed he hadn't realized how strong his feelings were in return until this moment. He couldn't believe how bold she was being in the things she was saying. He knew she had been afraid to admit these things to him but she was doing it, regardless of that. He was grateful that she had the courage to say these things even if the words were unspoken because he knew he would not have that same courage.

He was still struggling for something to say when she continued on, trying to move past the uncomfortable silence. "Anyway, I regretted it the moment it was over. It didn't make me feel better; it only made me feel much worse. I knew it was a mistake right away."

"Jo, you could have told me. You know that, right? When I said I wasn't a judgmental person I genuinely meant it."

She shrugged. "I don't know. At first I was hurt and upset with you. But then I was upset with myself. I know that you and I…that we aren't…you know. But I still felt guilty."

"You felt guilty?" he said surprised.

"Yeah," she said looking down at their still joined hands. "I know it's probably foolish and I know we're not…together like that but I still felt like I had been unfaithful."

"It isn't foolish," he said sincerely, leaning in a little closer. "Not at all."

"I'm sorry."

She was being very vulnerable with him, he knew. He knew that everything she was saying was very difficult for her to say. Weeks had gone by before she felt she could voice these words and still that was only after Iona had literally beat it out of her. He knew he had to tread very lightly in what he said. The future of their relationship rested on what happened tonight.

He wanted to tell her that she had nothing to apologize for. He didn't blame her; he wasn't angry at her. But that wasn't what she needed to hear. She blamed herself and she needed to hear that everything was good between them.

"It's alright."

"Really?" she asked in relief but also a little self-consciously still.

"I promise," he said reaching up one of his hands to hold her face. "Ah, Jo. You and I are too alike for our own good sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to do the same thing. After…after Abigail left me. I used to try and cover up the pain in the same way," he admitted difficultly.

"You did?"

"Yes, even though it never helped. That didn't stop me from trying it for a while, much longer than I'm comfortable admitting. It's been a while since I turned to those distractions but I know how loud those demons can be at times. I understand that the temptation doesn't just go away," he said looking at her. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner," he added quietly.

"I'm glad you did now," she said sincerely.

"Is that all it was? Did you really not tell me because you were ashamed?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Jo," Iona prompted from her place in the chair opposite them. They had both forgotten that she was even there again, they were so focused on each other. She obviously knew there was more to what Jo was thinking.

Jo glanced over at her before looking back at Henry. She let out a breath. "Right," she said nodding. "Yes, the main reason I didn't tell you is I was embarrassed. I didn't want to let you down or hurt you. But I guess that isn't the only reason. Henry, it's just that…whenever I try to get you to talk about what's bothering you, you never will. I mean…I know that there are times when things are bothering you and I tell you that you can talk to me and you won't. It just feels like you're always pushing me away and I start to feel like maybe you don't want us close."

"Henry," Iona interceded. "Jo is telling you this because she wants to be honest with you and she wants things to get better between you. She's not saying it to hurt you."

"I know," he said nodding. He'd found himself unusually surprised by her words. It shouldn't be but it really was a shock to him. "I'm not hurt. Well I am, but it's my fault. You're right; I _do_ push you away. I…I didn't realize how much I do that." He looked up to face her. "I don't mean to."

Jo paused and shut her eyes, her emotions growing. "I'm sorry," she said tears in her voice.

Henry was confused. "Sorry? Jo, what do you have to be sorry for? I'm the problem here. _I_ am sorry."

"Henry, I need you," Jo said. "I'm sorry…but I do."

Henry scooted a little closer to her. "Why do you feel like you have to apologize for that? That is not something you have to be sorry for."

Jo shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted. "I guess I feel like it's a bad thing."

"It isn't a bad thing; not at all," Henry said with reassurance. "I want us to be close. I don't want to push you away. I've missed you terribly over these past two months."

"You did?" she asked surprised, like she didn't expect it.

"Of course I did."

"I missed you too."

Henry couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Everything that had been building up this entire conversation started to come out. He leaned in and laid his head against her chest and started to cry. "I'm so sorry, Jo, for everything."

He felt her stroke her hand in his hair a few times before resting her head against his. "I'm sorry too Henry."

He was overwhelmed. He had his partner back, his friend back, his Jo back. She was close again, their friendship restored. There was no longer a mystery between them and though he'd failed her, her forgiveness was here for him. And it wasn't even all of that that sent him to new heights. It was more than cause enough for celebration but there was even more. Not only had they been restored their connection had even grown through this. This event could have pulled them apart but because of her and her grace it had brought them even closer.

It was so hard to imagine that all of this trouble had been because Jo had realized her feelings for him had grown and she thought that he didn't feel the same. Jo had new feelings for him; he could hardly believe he deserved it. Even now he could feel in her touch she was greedy for him. She desired him in a different way. He also knew without a doubt that he returned those feelings. He was terrified to return them but he did.

She'd been so brave with him in all of this. It had taken some extra coaxing but she'd been so true and daring with him. She'd taken the first step and say it first, a leap he'd be too terrified to make himself. He wanted to do something for her now.

Henry raised his head but held her close, his mouth right next to her ear. The words felt so private, he wanted them to be just for her. His heart was beating in his head but he willed himself to have courage to speak. She had already been so courageous; he wanted to be too. "Jo, I know what else it is you want to say."

She pulled back a little startled that he had seen what she had been silently saying underneath all of her spoken words. Her body stiffened but he held her still stroking her back and helping her relax again. "Shh, shh. It's alright. It's alright. I know you're not ready to say it. I know you're afraid. It's ok."

Even after everything that had passed between them, even after all of this coaxing he realized she still wasn't ready for this confession. But he already knew it. She'd already said it so many times in between the lines. Fortunately, he had always been very good at reading in between the lines.

He already knew she loved him. That was more than enough for him. It was more than he had ever dreamed he'd have. He would wait forever to hear her actually say it aloud if he had to. All the words, spoken and unspoken, he had already heard.

"When you're ready to say it…I'll be ready to hear it."

She pulled back to look at him. She bit her lip and nodded, smiling. She understood.

"You know, you asked me, would I still feel the same for you if I could really see you? I said yes, but that isn't exactly true."

She looked back at him, startled and maybe just a little hurt before he rushed to explain. "What I mean to say is, no I don't feel the same. Jo…the more I learn about you, the more I care for you. The more I see of you the more I realize that we're meant for each other."

She looked at him hard, studying him. Maybe she was searching to see if he was sincere. Whatever she found in his face told her that he wholeheartedly meant the words he said. It was her now that rushed to hug him, tight, burying her face against his shoulder. She was relieved. He could tell by the way she hugged him that the words he'd said were the very opposite of the ones she'd feared he would say.

He wanted to reciprocate. His arms loosely wrapped around her. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered, remembering the state of her back.

"It's alright," she said a smile in her voice, "I can handle it."

He held her tight and they laughed a little. Even if it hurt she didn't resist; they were too happy for that.

"You two are going to be just fine," Iona said as she came up behind them. She laid a light hand on the top of each of their heads and smiled down at them and rightly so. Their reconciliation was a job well done.

"Thank you, Iona for all your help," Jo said. "I know I was stubborn and difficult and I never would have given this a chance. But I have you to thank for this."

"Yes," Henry agreed. "I don't know what either of us would have done without you."

"You are both terribly stubborn and closed off," she said with a smile. "But you both also have very good hearts. And most importantly, you care very much about each other. As long as you remember that you can get through the hard patches."

She gave them each a final pat and Henry stood up. Jo attempted to follow but fell back down into the couch, her muscles stiff and her balance off. Henry reached out to help her, careful not to hurt her back as he wrapped an arm around her to steady her. She accepted the help since it was obvious she needed it.

"Now, Henry," Iona commanded looking seriously at him, "You make sure Jo gets home safely and comfortably. That is an order."

Henry smiled at Jo. "You have my word."

"And Jo," Iona said facing Jo and pointing a finger at her. "You make sure you let him take care of you."

Jo smiled. "I will." It was one order she didn't think she would have a problem following.

* * *

Henry got a cab and escorted Jo home. She was glad for the added time to spend with Henry and was grateful that Iona had ordered it. They left Iona's office with an intimacy between they had never had before; certainly not one that they had shared recently. Even though their ride to her apartment was spent in near silence it was comfortable. She could tell that things had not only been repaired between them but they had also changed for the better.

Henry let her lean on him, his arm strong around her as they rode, keeping her steady. She may have temporarily forgotten the state she was in physically while they had been talking in Iona's office but she was now quickly being reminded of it. She was exhausted and the pain she felt from her injuries was getting harder and harder to ignore. If she hadn't had Henry's presence to keep her upright she might have just fallen over in exhaustion.

But it wasn't just the weakened condition of her body that made leaning on him feel so good. They were close again. She had been so afraid that Henry did not share the same feelings for her that she had for him. After he had forgotten the anniversary of Sean's death, a date she was sure he would have remembered, she feared that she had been mistaken about them. She was certain she had overestimated how close they were becoming. She had feared it was all one sided. She'd made that painful mistake before and she wouldn't allow herself to make it with Henry. Her feelings as of late in regards to him had been growing and changing but she would have put a stop to it they would not be reciprocated. She'd allowed that fear and doubt to drive her to silence.

She knew now that she'd had nothing to worry about all along. The way he held her now, now that she had let him get close to her, told her that she'd been wrong to doubt those feelings would be returned. He actually meant it when he said that his feelings for her grew the more he got to know her. They were closer tonight than they'd ever been and she was so relieved to be rid of all those worries and uncertainties. She had missed Henry so much and she was so happy their time apart was ended.

When they arrived at her home Henry quickly got out of the cab and reached to help her slide out as gently as possible. He took such care with her, trying to make her movements the least painful they could be, she couldn't help but smile. She was so terribly sore now and tired that she didn't mind to take the help. As he wrapped an arm around her back, steadying her and another one in front of her for her to grab onto and lean on as they walked she realized it was really nice to let Henry help her. She wasn't sure why she had been so determined not to allow him to help her.

They were quiet as they made their way up the stairs to her bedroom. She'd have never made it up them on her own. Even with his assistance it almost felt like more than she could bear. She was very slow going up them but Henry was patient and his presence was an encouragement that edged her on. When they finally reached the top they made it to her bedroom and he helped her to sit down on her bed.

Jo was sure that this is where they would part but after he helped her shrug out of her coat he walked into the bathroom connected to her bedroom. She heard the water running and realized he was drawing her a bath.

"Henry, you don't have to do all of this," she called out. "I'll be fine from here."

"On the contrary," he said coming out of the bathroom. He smiled and spoke dramatically like he did when he was teasing. "I was given strict orders to make sure you were taken care of and I intend on following those orders. I don't want to face whatever severe punishment would result if I failed to make sure you were completely cared for."

Jo didn't believe that for a second. She was sure he would rather enjoy any punishment that would await him at Iona's hands but she just smiled and said. "I suppose I was also given strict orders to allow you to take care of me."

"That's right, you were. So, I'm afraid you're going to have to allow yourself to be pampered a bit."

"Well, if I must."

He walked over to her chest of drawers. "Which one do you keep your pajamas in?"

Jo blushed a little at the question. She was relieved when she remembered that she did have some proper pajama sets in there instead of just the old t-shirt and sweats she usually wore to bed. "Second one from the top."

She wasn't surprised when Henry got out her prettiest pair of pajamas. It was a matching set with rosebuds on them. They weren't really her style and she never wore them but it didn't surprise her that he favored them. She did look good in them and they were comfortable so she didn't mind.

He brought them over to her and helped her walk to the bathroom. She had to admit the full tub was now rather tempting. Thankfully, he left her alone without another word, closing the door behind him, to give her privacy. Her bath was slow and painful and required a great deal of energy. But the result was worth all of the effort. She was still hurting and the water was harsh on her back at first but it felt good to get cleaned up and the warmth of the water helped to ease all her muscles.

A great deal of time later when she finally hobbled her way out of the bathroom she was surprised to find that Henry was still there, sitting in the chair in the corner. "I didn't think you'd still be here."

"A promise is a promise. I promised to make sure you were completely taken care of and I take that promise very seriously." He noticed the way she was walking and concern covered up his smile. "Are you hurting badly?"

"Well, the bath helped," she said trying to sound positive. "But yes, it is starting to catch up with me. Adrenaline can be a very good thing," she said with a smile. "Now that it's gone, my body remembers it's in pain."

He got up and went to help her get over to the bed. When they got there he stopped and turned down the sheets.

"Oh, are you going to tuck me in too?" she teased.

"Maybe," he said with a smirk and she couldn't help rolling her eyes but also smiling in return.

"Wow, I haven't been tucked in in…well, ever. Maybe I should let you take care of me more often."

"You should," he said, looking at her fondly but there was seriousness and intent in his voice now. She could help but blush a bit and glance away.

She sat on the bed but she couldn't help but groan a little in pain. "Hold on," he said before she could attempt to weasel her way into the sheets.

He went to the bathroom and came back with some medicine in his hand. "Hope you don't mind me raiding your medicine cabinet."

"Well, you are the doctor. They are supposed to know best, aren't they?" she asked with a smile.

He looked down and smiled shyly. "I missed this," he said quietly.

"Missed what?"

"You teasing me," he said looking up at her warmly.

"Well," she said smiling. "I'll have to remember that. You just gave me permission to tease you and I'm sure I'll want to take advantage of that."

He gave her a couple of pain killers the kind with sleeping medicine and she was grateful for it even though she was pretty sure the later wouldn't necessary with how tired she was. He also had some ointment for her back and she smiled and turned her back to him again waiting on him.

She could practically feel him grinning as he took the hint and reached around her again to undo the buttons on the front of her shirt. She closed her eyes and sighed as reached up to push it off her shoulder and down her arms.

She felt him linger a moment behind her but this time it was for a different reason than before. Even as bare as she was she didn't feel the need to cover because she trusted him completely. After a moment she felt him reach out a touch her back, ever so lightly brushing the lines on her with his fingertips. There was nothing medicinal about this. It was instead a pure desire just to touch her, to comfort and soothe her, to make known his feelings through an affectionate manner that exceeded what words could do. She now could not remember a single reason she might have been opposed to the domination and pain if this is what she got from it in the end.

It felt so good and she bit her lip to keep from saying anything that might ruin the moment or embarrass herself. She really wanted him to keep going and she was glad when he didn't seem to be in a hurry.

Eventually she felt a hand on her shoulder and it brought her back to herself, realizing that he must have reached out to steady her. She had been so relaxed by his attention that she hadn't realized she was leaning more and more forward; he had been slowly lulling her to sleep with her care. She supposed it was necessary but she was upset it had to end. Henry quickly worked at the task he'd technically set out to do and quickly put the medicine on her back.

When he had her shirt back on her he helped her to get in between the sheets. It was harder to do since her back was much too bad to sleep on like she normally would. She settled on her stomach and he pulled the covers over her, tucking them around her and making sure she was comfortable. He turned out the light and leaned down next to her once more before he left.

"Thank you for doing this for me," she whispered.

"It's the least I could do after everything you've gone through."

"I don't just mean this, taking care of me. I meant for everything tonight. I didn't know how to snap myself out of this," she admitted.

"We all need each other's help in that way from time to time."

"I really didn't think going to Iona would help. I would have never tried it on my own. But you were right."

"I wasn't sure," he admitted. "I only hoped it would help. I'm just sorry it took something this drastic to help."

"I'm just…I'm not used to people actually caring"

"Well, that is something that you will just have to get used to," he said with a smile, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I know it sounds terribly bleak but besides Sean I never really had anyone who really cared. I've always had to take care of myself. I couldn't depend on anyone else because there was no one to depend on."

"You and I are similar in that. Aside from Abe, it has been many years since I have had someone I feel cares for me. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I didn't even realize I was doing it."

"I did it too. I assume the worst of people and it's a hard habit to break. I will try not to push you away like that again."

"And I will try and not let you get away with it again," he said smiling and she smiled back.

Before Henry left he took one last chance at the closeness they'd shared that night. Though she hoped it would become more common, she knew it wouldn't always be so easy or comfortable for them to share this closeness so she was glad he took this one last opportunity at it. He leaned down and pressed his lips against her forehead. She closed her eyes and reached a hand to the back of his neck, keeping his head pressed against hers for a moment even after the kiss was over.

"I'm glad you're back," he whispered.

"Me too, Henry. Me too."


End file.
